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Erma Bombeck Quotes

Column Author

Erma Bombeck was an American humorist and newspaper columnist renowned for her sharp wit and poignant observations on family life and suburban living. Born on February 21, 1927, she passed away on April 22, 1996. Bombeck's columns were syndicated in over 1,000 newspapers, and her books became bestsellers.

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Famous Erma Bombeck Quotes

“I come from a home where gravy is a beverage.”

Food

Author:Erma Bombeck

“Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.”

Wells Stories Sex Food Dresses Magazines Thirty Jersey New Jersey Dieting Well Dressed Thermometers Testimonial

Author:Erma Bombeck

“My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'”

Form Walks Doors Food Son Hair Shapes Cooking Noses Culinary My Son Fling Refrigerators Freezer

Author:Erma Bombeck

“The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?”

Looks Food Wall Red Cooking Track Meat Culinary Vegetarian Lions Slim Nutritionist Red Meat Hippopotamus

Author:Erma Bombeck

“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.”

Author:Erma Bombeck

“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”

Life Inspirational Funny Family Food Beverages Cookery Gravy Funny Thanksgiving Thanksgiving Funny Funny Happy Thanksgiving Family Thanksgiving Thanksgiving And Family Thanksgiving Family Sharing Food

Author:Erma Bombeck

“Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.”

Literature Family Food Planning Topics Controversial Cereal Family Planning Funny Family Religion Politics Breakfast Cereal Controversial Topics

Author:Erma Bombeck

“I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food”

Funny Power Food Humorous Cooking Culinary Weight Loss Explorers

Author:Erma Bombeck

“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.”

“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”

Three Food Stores Billions Bread Shopping Coming Out Odds Hilarious Funny Life Murphys Law

Author:Erma Bombeck

“You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.”

“What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?”

Book:Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist

Source: Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist

“The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?"”

Firsts Children Said Kids Age Food Baby Keys Our Children Cooking Checks Factors Your Children Restaurants Canada Culinary Waiter Menus

Author:Erma Bombeck

“It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.”

Mean Food Boxes Vary Microwaves Disclaimers

Author:Erma Bombeck

“Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!”

Mother Answers Food Words Of Wisdom Mouths

Author:Erma Bombeck

“I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.”

Ifs Knows Men Giving Firsts Humor Would Be Funny Pieces Food Humorous Traveler Airports Airline Suitcases Luggage Dummy Air Travel

Author:Erma Bombeck

“Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.”

Knows Children Two Home Hours Dog Food Six Hot Fifty Rejects Cents Hot Dog Mustard Buns

Book:If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?

Source: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?

“I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.”

Humor Bigs Funny Gone Sky Food Humorous Convinced Airline Triangles Luggage Air Travel Bermuda Bermuda Triangle

Author:Erma Bombeck

“Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.”

Writing Humor Funny Fiction Food Humorous Airline Fiction Writers Menus Air Travel

Author:Erma Bombeck

About the Author

Born: February 21, 1927
Died: April 22, 1996
Known for: Column Author
Quotes: 343

Books & Sources

The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic TankRelated source material

Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite HumoristRelated source material

I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal DepressionRelated source material

Motherhood: The Second Oldest ProfessionRelated source material

Just Wait Till You Have Children of Your Own!Related source material

At Wit's EndRelated source material

Four of a Kind: A Suburban Field GuideRelated source material

If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?Related source material

The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic TankRelated source material

Aunt Erma's Cope Book: How To Get From Monday To Friday . . . In 12 DaysRelated source material

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