“The sign in the parking lot next to a mini cliff said, "Danger Falling Rocks," so I commented, "Who's this band, Danger Falling? If they rock, how come I've never heard of them or heard them?" They can't be better than Bette Midler, or my ducks would sing them during karaoke.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“If you dig deep enough inside you, you'll find music. At BearPaw Duck Farm I hired an excavator, and I unearthed saxophone jazz. Taste the flavor for ONLY $3.33 per song.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“Mr. Cuddleswithbubbles just asked me if I could make a soapy duck soup that’s scented like a Boxcar Willie song, to capture that classic 1991 Branson nostalgia. I’ll try, but I’m not sure if I have that much cactus extract.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Music is so archaic. Why do we still listen to songs through our ears? Why can't music come in liquid format, and be mixed in with my morning coffee that I love to drink when I first wake up at 3:33 PM? Also consider the ducks. Wouldn't they love to swim in music?”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I make music for whales, dolphins, ducks, and deaf people. Using only sign language and silence, my songs are meant to swim in your ears using the same power that allows the moon to create the tides.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I'll be your Mozart, if you'll be my gang of wolves. If you can do that, I'll also be your Wolfgang—but you’ve got to promise to not attack my ducks.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I wish my car's radio volume dial also operated my air conditioner, so the louder I crank up a hot song, the cooler it would be. Oh, and more music needs to be made about ducks, because that would be even cooler.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I play the saxophone like a duck quacks. Tickets are ONLY $19.95. Lessons sold separately. No assembly required.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“To help my ducks improve their swimming ability, I remixed Mozart with whale sounds, and I pulse the music through their SplashTub. Snatch your tickets now, because they’re laced with catnip and going fast.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“It's too bad GIFs are silent, because I recorded some original saxophone music to accompany my newest masterpiece. It sounds like ducks quacking on the moon, and if you've got an empty elevator that needs space to be filled, it's now FOR SALE.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“As a singer, she's in the music industry. As a duck farmer, I’m in the noise business. The product I pulse through the air invisibly is better for your ears.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Blow into your saxophone. It’s a diagnostics test for both you and your Abstract Duck Quack Machine.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Music is fluid, and sometimes I fill up my saxophone to the point where it overflows. Of course, sometimes my ducks splash and slosh it all over my shoes, but the other passengers in the elevator never seem to mind.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“You know how Asian kids practice their musical instruments with continuous gusto? Well, American kids don't practice at all. I was one of those American kids, and that's how I came to be a performer in an elevator. Enjoy as I coax duck farm sounds out of my saxophone.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“How to choose an orchard plant from the nursery: Bring a stereo, play some Mozart, and whichever one dances the liveliest, that's the one you take back home to meet your ducks. You could play Beethoven, but he was deaf, so his music is a little too Helen Kelleresque for my taste.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Ducks are the songbirds of all feathered swimmers. What song? Bette Midler's Wind Beneath My Wings.”
Source: Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world
“There are many forms of music, and only the most common kind enters through your ears. In the right light, some music gets absorbed by your eyes, like when you watch a duck splash in water without having to worry if it’s got to VOTE to keep enjoying its FREEDOM.”
Source: One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production
“My saxophone pulses out potato-sized notes, and when I play it my ducks dance like French fries in a Quebec winter. I make music for romantics and for elevators.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“Music is invisible, just like paintings are inaudible. Between the invisible and the inaudible you'll find the art known as BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm.”
Source: One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production
“I don’t play music. In fact, I don’t play music so well that I’m The Mozart of Silence. You should witness how my ducks enjoy water dancing to my soundlessness.”
Source: One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production
“Did you even know the saxophone could make duck farm noises? You know I'm a genius jazz performer because it sounds like I haven't played an instrument ever before.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“People ask me, "Jarod, why haven't you won an NFL Championship by now?" My answer is the same. I reply, "I may not be Mozart, or I might be, who's to say, but if you put me in an elevator, I'm going to make music that fills the space completely, like duck quacks in a can.”
Source: Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
“Xylophone lessons are now ON SALE when you buy a duck from me. It doesn’t matter if you’re not a good music teacher, because I’m not paying full price.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“At karaoke night, my ducks always sing Bette Midler's "Wind Beneath My Wings." I mean I do too, because when I try to sing R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly" they boo me off stage.”
Source: Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world
“Song jingle idea:
Female soprano: At Axes and Saxophones we sell axes and saxophones. Come on in and buy an axe or a saxophone.
Male falsetto voice: Why are you telling me about axes and saxophones? Don’t you know I work at Axes and Saxophones? I repair used ducks.”
Source: Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world
“I never eat breakfast, but that doesn't mean I don't sell it at my Duck Farm Cafe. Children over the age of 65 dine FREE!”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I haven’t sold Spinning Death Kicks Disguised As Reading A Book Quietly since my third grade teacher confiscated all my camouflage material. She also snatched away my Duck Quacks In A Can (with 50% more flavor).”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“One time one guy said he had a stroke reading my absurd writing, so I said, “Thank you for your service.” Then I continued washing my dishes in my lawnmower, because my ducks were splashing around in the kitchen sink.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“People used to read books and watch movies. Now people read memes and tweets and watch GIFs. I'm currently writing something about ducks that I hope you'll say is an instant classic six seconds into the experience.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I just started reading Holderread's duck farming book. It is excellent! I can't wait to get to the second sentence.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Thinking about how ducks converse using only one word, quack, has me thinking about the meaning of communication. If I wrote a dictionary, would you read it? What if I made it flow like a Nicholas Sparks romance novel?”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Just down the road from my duck farm, thieves broke into a local bookstore and stole shelves of literature. The police are still trying to get a read on the situation.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I told my ducks that The Great Library of Alexandria was torched by arsonists in 275 AD, and their only response was, "Quack." They weren't upset, not because they don't read, but because they probably realized the building was burnt after all the books were secreted away.”
Source: Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
“If ducks could read, what books would they choose to eye absorb? Probably biographies of Amelia Earhart.”
Source: One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production
“I read the newspaper a little at a time. I cut the paper up into tiny slivers, each about the size of a fortune cookie slogan, and then I mix all the scraps together and then read them at random one by one. That's how I stay current with duck farm trends.”
Source: Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world
“I used to read the newspaper blindfolded. I found it made me more informed as a thinker. Now I spend my time doing other things blindfolded, like teaching Pekin ducks how to fly at The Amelia Earhart School of Aviation.”
Source: Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world
“To your party I'll bring my World-Famous Leftover Duck Meatloaf. It's from 1999, and the only reason I have it in my possession is because my old high-school math teacher called me up to come remove it from my old locker, because it was making his class smell like Savage Garden.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Earth, water, and sky—ducks are birds of those three elements. And their passion for play embodies the fourth—fire.”
Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“Ducks can both swim and fly, and that made me realize that the ocean and the sky are one continuous body of water. That is one body I’d like to see in a bikini.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“A Pekin duckling in a bowl of water is like a small furry sun sponging up spring. As far as I know, that's the best way to measure time.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“Instead of 200, what if man's pre-flood IQ was a thousand? Everyone was smarter, bigger, and lived longer. But what if animals had IQs of a hundred? Maybe interspecies communication was the norm, unlike now where only weirdos like me talk to cats, dogs, and ducks.”
Source: Powdered Saxophone Music
“At BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm, our customer service representatives work 24/7 to make sure you are satisfied. If nobody answers your call within five rings, like The Olympics logo, call back in four years.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“Most ducks have legs like orange spatulas. Those must be lazy swimmers. Mine have thighs like Michael Phelps in the summer of 2008.”
Source: Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world
“A pool table is a dining room table, if you wait fifteen minutes after eating to go swimming on it. That's what I tell my ducklings, whom I'm coaching to qualify for The Olympics.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“When people think about farmers, they think about people who grow things. Well, I'm a duck farmer, and what I grow is impatient waiting for some committee to recognize duck farming as an Olympic sport.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“When you first see a Pekin duck waddling across the grass, wobbly and lopsided, you might think it's the most unathletic animal in the world. But if you then watch it swim, you'd realize if there were a Bird Olympics, it wouldn't take gold, but it isn't Eric Moussambani, either.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“When swimming 50 yards, I mowed one of them, and that’s why I never finished the race. If I'd have kept going, I probably could have made The Olympics, but now all I've got to show for my time in the water is 25 ducklings.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“If creatively traveling up an escalator on your back were an Olympic sport, every gold medalist would be geriatric. There should be a soap fragrance for muddy ducks that captures that athletic dominance.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I like the circus, because they make a business out of being a clown show. But I hate The Chamber of Commerce, because they make a clown show out of business. In between those two extremes is my duck farm.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Of all the circus animals, from bears to lions to elephants to politicians, very few ride a unicycle. I'd love to see a Pekin duck spinning around for the crowd. Now THAT is something that would make me want to VOTE.”
Source: Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world