“Fishing Lessons are now ON SALE. I’ll meet you on the dock, just as soon as you finish building it. Nails are now half-priced. Oh, and Flying Lessons are now 50% OFF, but if you can teach my ducks how to AirSwim, I'll pay you 51%.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“When I go to art museums, I push a bag of midget carrots in a baby stroller, and it feels like the stuff on the wall is watching me. As a fatheresque person of curiosity, I feel misunderstood, but at least The Ducks know me.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Before a forest fire enters a house, it never asks itself, “Is the front door locked? Should I first knock?” And because it’s so rude, that’s why I never invite it to my duck farm for barbecues.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“There’s anger in danger, and danger in anger. Of all the letters to be, be OK. But don't be mediocre, because even ducks strive to be dominant.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I once saw two ducks brawling, and I thought, "Hey, it's a pre-pillow fight." It was so violent that it made me want to capture their energy and take a nap.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“I pour my morning coffee like ducks splash in a pond. Is an extended blink a micro nap? That's the thought that crosses my mind when I drive like Helen Keller.”
Source: One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production
“Cats splash in sunlight like ducks in water. Both animals find your conversation so stimulating they could just nap.”
Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“Wooden scrabble letters offer a whole forest of literature, tiled down for easy shower installment. If you limit your use to only the letters q, u, a, c, and k, your ducks will love what you've done with your bathroom.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I'm a duck farmer. Am I the world's best duck farmer? Probably not, but there's no official ranking, and I'm a modest guy, so I claim the number two spot.”
Source: Powdered Saxophone Music
“My ducks give me eggs, and I took two of those eggs and nurtured them under a dome to produce two ducklings. In a way, I am their mother, and I think Hallmark should make a special card to honor me.”
Source: Powdered Saxophone Music
“Both a rose and a cactus have thorns, and while the rose may say, "I love you," the cactus says, "Fuck off." I think that's important to remember, and it's the ideal way to farm ducks.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I can see why people drink booze, because boos are a little too dry to satisfy thirst. It would be like chugging a cactus, and while that has enough water for a duck to swim in, it's the kind of thing that's best served to politicians.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“In my library are many books. There are also many ducks, because those are the engines that power the 11th century, which is where I live today, just like everybody else who doesn’t believe the lies told by calendars.”
Source: Whenever you're here, I'm there for you
“We can’t meet at the restaurant Monday because they are closed Mondays. I wish Mondays were closed and the restaurant was open. Or we could meet somewhere in the middle, like ajar, which is OpenClosed. That reminds me: Duck Soup goes best in a jar.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“Over time, ink fades like a duck quack in the wind. I have a baseball signed by Babe Ruth, but his autograph has gone invisible. That’s why it’s now ON SALE for ONLY $19.95.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Ducks are the fish of the bird world. I like to drink beer and catch a few. One line that always hooks them is this: “You can take a crash course in flying from The Amelia Earhart School of Aviation with no money down.”
Source: Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world
“I recently made my directorial debut in the category of duck documentary—in GIF format. I hope viewers don’t think my cinematic masterpiece goes on too long, because the extended version comes in at just over six seconds—which might be pushing the limits of modern attention spans.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I’m now selling Duck-Soup Popsicles in vintage meatloaf colors. The flavor of 1991 has never looked so good while camping. Just ask Bigfoot.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“The felt on my pool table is blue, so it looks like a pool. I like to shoot billiards with my duck sitting on the table, because swimming is better with no possibility of drowning.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“I once sold shoes. They were Buy One, Get One FREE. Then I met a customer with only one foot, and now I have an extra shoe. So, I filled it with duck eggs, because I ran out of room in the six pockets of my pool table.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“My love is a dandelion in a tornado, and hers is a lit birthday candle in a hurricane. That's why my Duck Soup has that slight taste of WindFlower.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“The dandelion gives all of its future to ride on the wind for one beautiful moment. I'll bet my flightless Pekin ducks would trade their life away to become one with the breeze.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“My ducks are being snatched one by one in the dark of night by a stealthy predator, probably a bobcat. To show this thief he is not welcome, I have posted a No Trespassing sign. That ought to stop him.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“I once saw a canyon shaped like a swimming bird. Was it a duck? Well, I quacked and it quacked back.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Every duck farm needs a chat bot automating messaging. You wouldn't believe the amount of queries I get. In fact, next time I get one it will be the first time.”
Source: Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world
“Are people online real? I am a hologram. My favorite color is duck soup in audio format.”
Source: Me and memes and memories
“Coaching is the only thing where the more someone else practices, the better you get. That’s my kind of hard work.
People always ask me, "Jarod, how come you don't have a Guinness World Record for getting others to do what you aren't capable of doing?"
I tell them I don't worry about awards, because I'm a buy-my-own-trophies kind of guy.
Plus, I'm too busy being the greatest duck farmer in history.
Then I give them the customer service number to call at Guinness, because that's a good question that demands to be answered.”
Source: Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
“If you ask most little boys what they want to be when they grow up, they say things like fireman, elite esports athlete, or brothel manager. But not me. I wanted something sexy. I wanted to be a duck farmer.”
Source: Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
“I'm the only duck farmer I know who also plays the saxophone. Of course, I don't play it well, which is why I only perform in elevators. Also, I'm the only duck farmer I know.”
Source: Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world
“She said she had two brothers, one in heaven and one in college. I said, "Aww, sorry to hear about the one. Such a tragedy to lose a brother to debt servitude. Tell him to drop out and become a duck farmer before he's too indoctrinated.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Tennis Elbow is easily curable, and here's how: Switch to playing ping-pong. Sure, the pain is still there, but now it's Ping-Pong Elbow, and that's so silly it might make you rethink your hobbies, which might turn you into a duck farmer.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I didn't ask to be The Duck King. I was elected by unanimous Quack.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I’m a duck farmer, and I’m trying to raise them to be productive members of society. It’s hard, because so many of them seem to want to join a gang.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“I could grow to love you, but I’m not that kind of farmer. No, I’m the kind that grows things that actually benefit more than one person—I’m a duck farmer.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I'm growing as a person. I'm self-farming. That's the highest form of farming, even greater than being a duck farmer, which, as you can imagine, is pretty great.”
Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“I make my Duck Soup Milkshakes by hand, the same way I make my handshakes. Just kidding—my hello, nice-to-meet-yous are all store-bought at Walmart and translated by Google. 你好，很高興認識你.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“Ducks know more about ducks than any college professor knows about ducks. Let that be a lesson in student-loan debt.”
Source: I design saxophone music in blocks, like Stonehenge
“Sometimes the best pizza is sushi. That’s where I go to get my haircut. Discounts available for fish with fur. (Ducks are birds that swim, and are therefore not pizza.)”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I would give you my grandma’s slow-knitted Duck Soup dance-routine recipe, but my grandpa sold it to Roger Bannister for three minutes and 59 seconds. I think he could have gotten 3:58 for it, if he’d have just gone the extra mile.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“I just pooped out a duck pond. The guy in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom was probably thinking, "What's with all the quacking?”
Source: Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
“Ducks make the best soup. Campbell’s used to, but Joseph A. Campbell died on March 27th, 1900, and the FoodDrink that comes in their cans now tastes like a cemetery.”
Source: Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
“When we were kids, getting your mouth washed out with soap was punishment. But today, I’m selling duck-soup-flavored soap that your own kids will beg to have for dinner, which you’ll eat under a waterfall for maximum bubbles.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I nailed my ice skates to a wooden floor. That’s how I learned to play hockey like a duck swims in soup.”
Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“The desert is nothing without water. Actually, it's everything without water, because if it had water it would cease to be a desert. Powdered Duck Eggs are the same way. Just add water! Or don't! How you consume them is up to you.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“She said they don't erect statues to honor losing generals, and I nodded solemnly and replied, "Erect statues make better lovers." Then I told her I am having a SALE on duck eggs.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“Sometimes my kitchen sink doubles as a duck pond. Problem is, I can't exactly move my diving board, so I have to relocate Greg Louganis Hour to another slot, like one on the toaster.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I get naming your sports team gators, but ducks? Ducks are toothless, and they fight like pillows—all feathers and no punch—so what’s the point of them as your mascot, trying to make your opponent go to sleep on you?”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“She told me she was in pain, because she just had her ankle replaced. I said, “With what, a wheel?” Then I told her that hot duck soup is best served frozen, and that I've always wanted to ride a unicycle.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“I'm a lot like a pillow salesman. I say that because I deal in ducks. So, I just push the product early and while they're still quacking.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“I love boobies. What’s your favorite bird, pervert? Mine is the duck, because although I love boobies, everyone always stares at them as though they’ve never seen them before.”
Source: Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world