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Humour Quotes

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Humour Quotes

“I’m just not ready to give myself up, Sammy. I mean, there’s something perfect about virginity, and I haven’t found someone who deserves to take that perfection from me…” “You’re loco, Carlos. Insane. Totally crazy… Most guys think they’re imperfect for still being virgins past the age of seventeen.”

“Age is only a number. Keep an active life.”

“An extreme fearfulness moves through all your body, and your mind is troubled more.”

“Hear me, and I will instruct thee; hearken to the thing that I say, and I shall tell thee more.”

“As for you, you're unwise: how may you then speak of these things whereof thou ask you?”

“Even so have I given the womb of the earth to those that be sown in it in their times.”

“They that be born in the strength of youth are of one fashion, and they that are born in the time of age, when the womb fail, are otherwise.”

“To shew thee such tokens I have leave; and if thou wilt pray again, and weep as now, and fast even days, thou shall hear yet greater things.”

“After seven days of fasten so it was, that the thoughts of my heart were very grievous unto me- and my soul recovered the spirit of understanding.”

“Thou art sore troubled in mind for the people in the world’s sake: loves thou that people better than he that made them?”

“Number me the things that are not yet come- gather me together the dross that are scattered abroad- make me the flowers green again that are withered- Open me the places that are closed, and bring me forth the winds that in them are shut up- shew me the image of a voice: and then I will declare to thee the thing that thou labor to know.”

“O Lord that bear rule, who may know these things, but he that had not his dwelling with men?”

“Like as thou canst do none of these things that I have spoken of, even so canst thou not find out my judgment, or in the end the love that I have promised unto my people.”

“Behold, O Lord, yet art thou nigh unto them that be reserved till the end: and what shall they do that have been before me, or we that be now, or they that shall come after us?”

“I will liken my judgment unto a ring: like as there is no slackness of the last, even so there is no swiftness of the first.”

“Could thou not make those that have been made, and be now, and that are for to come, at once; that thou might shew thy judgement the sooner?”

“The creature may not haste above the maker; neither may the world hold them at once that shall be created therein.”

“As thou hast said unto thy servant, that thou, which gives life to all, hast given life at once to the creature that thou hast created, and the creature bare it: even so it might now also bear them that now be present at once.”

“Ask the womb of a woman, and say unto her, If thou bring forth children, why dost thou it not together, but one after another? pray her therefore to bring forth ten children at once.”

“Like as a young child may not bring forth the things that belong to the aged, even so have I disposed the world which I created.”

“Seeing thou hast now given me the way, I will proceed to speak before thee: for our mother, of whom thou hast told me that she is young, draw now nigh unto age.”

“Death would not surprise us as often as it does, if we let go of the misbelief that newborns are less mortal than the elderly.”

“Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive, if they had managed to sleep with some of the women with whom they want or wanted to have sex.”

“Most of us cling to life as if our existence were a result of our deed or choice.”

“That´s the problem with planning a late night supper after the opera, not only does the hero or the heroine die singing, but you end up famished after the last notes of the finale.”

“In “Victorian Literature”, I taught George Eliot’s great novel Middlemarch. The younger group hated it: the characters in it made the wrong decisions and married the wrong people, and they themselves were never going to make such mistakes. The older group loved it: the characters in it made the wrong decisions and married the wrong people - it was just like real life.”

“Life sometimes reminds us that it is sometimes heartless by giving something or someone we really need to someone who does not need or even want them or it.”

“Life is a process during which one initially gets less and less dependent, independent, and then more and more dependent.”

“Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to die.”