“My definition of a 'friend' is, coming from Chicago, someone who says, 'Yeah, sure. You know what? Let's talk about what we can talk about. Let's help each other out. Your politics are none of my business.'” KnowsHelpingYeahDefinitionsChicagoHelping Each Other Author:David Mamet
“Teresa Lewis, the only woman on death row in Virginia, says she doesn't deserve the death penalty because she only hired the killers of her husband and stepson, she didn't actually pull the trigger herself. You know, she has a point. I think we should let her be able to hire the person who executes her, and not do yourself in! How's that, doll? Yeah! Get it over with quick, maybe Charlize Theron will sign up to play you.” ThinkingKnowsShouldPersonsPlayAbleHusbandDeserveYeahKillersPenaltiesDeath PenaltyTriggersDollsVirginiaTeresaDeath RowStepsons Author:Dennis Miller
“You know what I never get with the limo? The tinted windows. Is that so people don't see you? Yeah, what a better way not to have people notice you than taking a thirty foot Cadillac with a TV antenna and a uniformed driver. How discreet. Nobody cares who's in the limo. You see a limo go by, you know it's either some rich jerk or fifty prom kids with $1.75 each.” PeopleKnowsWayCareKidsRichFeetTvsWindowYeahThirtyFiftyDriversBetter WaysJerkPromNobody CaresDiscreetCadillacsAntennaLimos Author:Jerry Seinfeld
“The goals for me have changed somewhat. There's a bit of seduction to the idea of being on network, but it got to the point where that wasn't important. What's important is doing something worthwhile. Which is why I've always avoided being on a sitcom. Yeah, it's high-profile and it's on a network, but you know what? You could be on Suddenly Stewart.” KnowsImportantIdeasBitsGoalChangedYeahWorthwhileSeductionAvoidedProfileWhat's ImportantSitcomHigh Profile Author:Jon Stewart
“Everybody wrings their hands about Fox News. You know, "fair and balanced? Why, that's snide!" Yeah, okay, maybe they're not fair and balanced, but CNN used to have the slogan "You Can Depend on CNN". Guess what? I watch it, no you can't. So what's the difference?” KnowsHandsUsedDifferencesWatchesDependsNewsFairsOkayYeahBalancedFoxesSlogansNot FairCnnFox News Author:Jon Stewart
“I'm very religious, you know. Now, OK, if by 'religious', you mean that I go to church every Sunday, read the bible faithfully, and I listen to Debbie Boone, umm, I'm not religious in that sense... But if by 'religious' you mean that I love others and try to help them whenever possible... Again, no. But if by 'religious' you mean that I like to eat coleslaw... Yeah, OK, OK!” IfsKnowsTryingMeanHelpingChurchReligiousYeahSunday Author:Emo Philips
“I look for women I know are gonna bust me up good. Come on, man, who can resist that? Who can resist that emotional pain? Yeah, they all have the same line, they're so sweet: I'm not gonna hurt you like all the others. Really I'm not. I'm gonna introduce you to a whole new level of pain!” KnowsMenLooksWholePainHurtLinesLevelsEmotionalSweetYeahIntroducingEmotional Pain Author:Sam Kinison
“Stand-up comedy - I love this job, and I gotta tell you, folks - knock wood - it's been working. 'Cause I was one of those kind of people, even when I had a regular job, I couldn't even call in sick right. You know, I was like, 'Hello? Yeah, I can't come in today. I have scurvy.” PeopleKnowsKindI CanTodayJobsCausesComedySickYeahFolksWoodsHelloStand Up Comedy Author:Carol Leifer
“I'm in a new club, by the way. And I don't know if you're first timers like I am, but I'm in the 'I Just Dropped My Cell Phone In My Own Piss' Club. Have you done that? Yeah, good times. I'm on the phone and I forget that I'm using shoulder technique. Urinals were taken so I went in to use the regular john. And as I'm standing there, mid-conversation, I'm like 'Are you serious?' and it just started to toboggan right down my powerful chest.” IfsKnowsWayFirstsDoneUseMy OwnForgetPowerfulTakenSeriousConversationFirst TimeStandingYeahPhonesClubsTechniqueShouldersCellsGood TimesChestsCell PhoneStanding ThereTimer Author:Dane Cook
“I can't relate to the idea of suicide. I guess I'm just one of those people that is always optimistic and upbeat. But one day, I sat down. I said 'You know what? Just to kind of purge myself, I want to see what its like to feel that low'. So I decided to write a suicide note. Yeah, just to kinda flush it out there and put it on a page. And I started to do this, and I had an epiphany. I'll share this with you: a suicide note that is written by somebody that is not suicidal is called an autobiography. I am on Chapter 58.” PeopleKnowsWantFeelsWritingKindSaidI CanIdeasWrittenShareOne DayPagesLowsDecidedYeahSuicideNotesOptimisticRelateSatJust OneChaptersAutobiographySuicidalEpiphanyUpbeatSuicide Note Author:Dane Cook
“We never had a pool, right. So one summer, I remember. My dad, to make me happy. You know I was bummed out cause we didn't have the pool. So one summer he bought us this thing. It was yellow, you laid it on the lawn, sprayed it with the water, run across. Slip n' Slide. Yeah. Would have been fun if dad checked for rocks before he laid it down! Slip n' Bleed from the anus they should have called this ride.” IfsKnowsShouldHas BeensRunningRememberFunCausesWaterRocksDadSummerShould HaveYeahMy DadYellowPoolSlipsSlidesLawnsMake Me HappyBummed OutAnus Author:Dane Cook
“[Thelonious] Monk is a subject in itself. I mean, most piano players in most big bands sit down and they play with the band, you know. But Monk would just sit there like this. And all of a sudden there'd be a pause from all the trumpets and everything and Monk would go 'plink!' like that. And everybody would go 'Yeah!” KnowsMeanPlayBigsPlayerSubjectsBandDown AndYeahPianoPausesMonkTrumpets Author:Ray Brown
“Hollywood is just so strange. It's like, everyone has a whole bunch of stuff boiling away and whichever one happens first, happens. That one, we're still in the process of, you know, trying to write the script. So, it's still very early stages at this point. Yeah.” KnowsWritingTryingFirstsStillsWholeHappensStuffProcessStageStrangeHollywoodYeahScriptsBunchBoiling Author:James Wan
“Um, the relationship between Thor and Sif in this movie is quite platonic. I mean, they're good buddies, they've grown up with each other, they're warriors, they fight side by side. We haven't take it to the next level yet. I'm going to throw that in there. But yeah, she kind of thinks he's a little bit pig-headed, but she loves him nevertheless, you know, she's like that's my buddy, I'll do what I can for him.” ThinkingKnowsKindMeanLittlesI CanFightingNextBitsSidesLevelsHavensLittle BitYeahWarriorPigsNeverthelessBuddyNext LevelPlatonic Author:Jaimie Alexander
“I feel like it's so, sort of representative of a generation. I mean everything that they talk about in the books are things that I get. Even like a lot of the Canadian references because I've worked in Canada a lot, so I totally know Sloan and I know, you know, all this stuff, and meeting Chris Murphy was really cool, and yeah, everything.” KnowsFeelsMeanBookStuffGenerationsYeahMeetingsCanadaRepresentativesReally CoolMurphy Author:Mary Elizabeth Winstead
“Yeah, we've become really good friends. Our characters start dating in the book, and um, yeah, I think we - and we made up little back stories to our characters and little outtakes that we'd bring up to Edgar as a joke, and you know, kind of see different sides of stuff. So yeah, we have a really good time.” ThinkingKnowsKindLittlesMadeBookDifferentCharacterStoriesStuffSidesJokesDatingYeahGood TimesGood FriendDifferent SidesReally Good Friends Author:Johnny Simmons
“And so getting to meet Aubrey Plaza and Mae Whitman and getting to know two awesome girls who are just kick-ass. It's been nice that way where we probably wouldn't have worked together on any other crazy project. And just like you know Chris Evans teaching us all the high-five because he's dealing with like non-jocks (laughter) and we're like yeah!” KnowsWayTwoTogetherGirlFiveNiceCrazyTeachingLike YouProjectsLaughterYeahAssKicksKick AssJocksMae Author:Alison Pill
“And also, I'm most comfortable with like two people just sitting and talking about their feeling, you know, in a room with like two cameras and that's it. And I wanted to do something where there was like action and running and you know crowd scenes and big set pieces and certainly did a lot of that, so yeah.” PeopleKnowsTwoFeelingsBigsRunningActionWantedRoomsTalkingPiecesSceneComfortableSittingCamerasYeahCrowds Author:Nicholas Stoller
“And then afterwards I worked in advertising for a year which taught me about writing even when you don't want to (laughter) because there's never a moment that you want to write about an Erickson cell phone but you have to. And that's really important you know obviously for the...like if you really want to write, you have to write every day no matter how you feel or you know. And then, yeah, and then I ended up working in TV and then from TV into movies and then directing, so.” IfsKnowsWantFeelsWritingYearsImportantMatterMomentsTaughtTvsLaughterYeahPhonesAdvertisingCellsNow And ThenCell PhoneHow You Feel Author:Nicholas Stoller
“Yeah, when you work with somebody that famous everybody wants to know what are they like or - but I know some of the movies that I know because they're more like NOBODY'S FOOL or like that, because I don't really watch the big R movies, I haven't really seen them so much. I loved him [Bruce Willis] from his TV show and some of the smaller movies he's done. The bigger movies I start to space out in, like, there just so, I don't really watch those kind of movies so much.” KnowsWantKindDoneShowsBigsSpaceWatchesHavensTvsFoolBiggerYeahTv Shows Author:Mary-Louise Parker
“Well, you know, my name is Ced and I kinda consider myself an entertainer. Hey that ain't bad yeah, Cedric the Entertainer.” KnowsWellsNamesYeahHeyEntertainers Author:Cedric the Entertainer
“It's hard for your mom to tell you she has an oral fixation and has to have something in her mouth. My step dad is in the kitchen winking at me. You down with OPP, yeah you know me. Exciting is and a special... What? Easy, and why do you know all the words? That's weird.” KnowsHardEasyStepsSpecialMomDadMouthsExcitingYeahKitchenDo You KnowKnow MeYour MomFixationWinkingStep Dad Author:David Spade
“Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.” IfsKnowsKidsBloodGayTestsYeahDo You KnowHivBlood Tests Author:Daniel Tosh
“Losing builds character. So, if you're the loser in your family, don't worry. 'Cos twenty years form now, that perfect can do no wrong brother of yours is going to show up at your house, bald, fat, divorced, with six kids who all hate him and he's going to ask you for money. And because of your character, you're going to look him right in the eyes and you're going to say, You know what, I'll give you some money. If you mow my lawn and detail my car. Oh yeah, then you can shampoo the tail. Loser.” IfsKnowsGivingYearsLooksCharacterShowsEyeKidsFormHateAsksHouseCan DoPerfectWorryCarBrotherSixLosingTwentiesYeahDetailsFatsOur FamilyLoserTailsDivorcedLawnsHate HimShampoo Author:Christopher Titus
“So my wife said she read this article in a magazine and she said: "You know, maybe you're suffering from premature ejaculation." Yeah, does it look like I'm suffering? Those aren't tears on your belly.” KnowsLooksDoeSaidSufferingWifeTearsYeahMy WifeMagazinesArticlesBellyPrematureEjaculationPremature Ejaculation Author:Robert Schimmel
“Everyone said, 'Yeah, you can do it, you can qualify.' But it wasn't something that I actually believed I could do. Even now, I definitely understand and know I'm going to the Olympics, but I don't think it will fully sink in until I'm actually there and experiencing it.” ThinkingKnowsSaidCan DoYeahOlympicsYou Can Do It Author:Gwen Jorgensen
“I say, 'Yeah, Taylor Swift.' I think she is a smart, beautiful girl. I think she's making all the right moves. She's got a good head on her shoulders. She's surrounded with wonderful people. Her songs are great. She keeps herself anchored. She knows who she is, and she's living and standing by that.” PeopleThinkingKnowsBeautifulMovingSongGirlWonderfulSmartStandingYeahShouldersBeautiful Girl Author:Dolly Parton
“You're sitting with some guys, and you're playing and you go, "Ooh, yeah!" That feeling is worth more than anything. There's a certain moment when you realize that you've actually just left the planet for a bit and that nobody can touch you. You're elevated because you're with a bunch of guys that want to do the same thing as you. And when it works, baby, you've got wings. You know you've been somewhere most people will never get; you've been to a special place.” PeopleKnowsWantMomentsFeelingsGuyCertainLeftBitsRealizingSpecialPlanetsBabySittingYeahWingsBunchSpecial Places Author:Keith Richards
“One time I said: maybe I should burn a guitar tonight. You know smash a guitar or something like that. And they said: yeah, yeah! I said: you really think I should? They said: yeah, that'd be cool. I said: well, ok.” ThinkingKnowsShouldWellsSaidYeahGuitarTonightOne TimeThey SaidBeing Cool Author:Jimi Hendrix
“I was watching cartoons on television and a commercial came on for one of the Batman series where I played a butler. And then my grandson looked up at me and he said, "Do you know Batman?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Really," I said, "Yeah." I said I know him very well. And he told all the boys at school, he said, "My grandpa knows Batman. Does your grandpa know Batman? OK, no. Mine does.” KnowsWellsDoeSaidSchoolBoysTelevisionMinesYeahSeriesDo You KnowCartoonGrandpaButlersGrandson Author:Michael Caine
“Right, yeah, you know, my favorite thing just globally about music is just hopefully I'm able to be, you know, blessing the people in any way that I can.” PeopleKnowsWayI CanAbleBlessingMusic IsYeahMy FavoriteHopefullyBe YouFavorites Things Author:Jonny Lang
“With The Pogues, at least the first three albums I'll stand by completely, yeah? Because I was in artistic control then, yeah? And the last couple of albums I'll stand by anything that's got my name on it, yeah? But I'll stand by anything that is on The Popes' albums, you know? I wouldn't put stuff out that I didn't like. I don't put out bad music. And I can tell the difference. I know that.” KnowsFirstsI CanLastsThreeNamesStuffDifferencesCoupleYeahAlbumsArtisticPopeBad Music Author:Shane MacGowan
“I don't want to date someone who the whole world knows. Obviously, there are guys you look at and are like, 'Aww yeah, nice,' but I definitely have an anti-celebrity dating thing.” KnowsWorldWantLooksWholeGuyNiceDatingYeahWhole World Author:Stacie Orrico
“I forget how good I've got it sometimes, how lucky I am just to be alive. And I pass good prayer to the man upstairs just to thank him like I should. Yeah you know, I get it... I've got it good.” KnowsMenShouldSometimesPrayerForgetAliveHe ManLuckyYeahUpstairsGood Prayer Author:Rodney Atkins
“This is the great thing about Northern Ireland. I walk down the street and people stop me and say things like, 'I know you. You're that wee golfer, aren't you?' I say, 'Yeah, that's me.' They say, 'Keep it up, wee man.' It's very funny and that's why I want to stay here as long as possible.” PeopleKnowsMenWantLongWalksStreetsYeahGreat ThingsIrelandGolfersNorthern Ireland Author:Rory McIlroy
“The longest-serving Republican Senator, Alaska's Ted Stevens, found guilty just a few hours ago on all charges in his corruption trial. Do you know this story? He failed to report he had some work done on his house. Yeah, here's the bad part. You know who did the work? Joe the plumber. Unlicensed.” KnowsDoneStoriesFoundHouseHoursRepublicanYeahCorruptionTrialsGuiltyReportsServingDo You KnowSenatorsAlaskaWork DonePlumber Author:Jay Leno
“Last night's vice presidential debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin drew much higher ratings than the presidential debate. Did you know that? Yeah. Yeah, Biden attracted viewers who enjoyed his previous debate appearances, and Palin attracted viewers who enjoyed the movie 'Fargo.'” KnowsLastsNightHigherYeahVicesAppearanceDebateEnjoyedPresidentialViewersLast NightRatingVice PresidentPalinDid You KnowBidenPresidential DebateFargo Author:Conan O'Brien
“Barack Obama, you know has a lot of supporters here in America, but he's very popular internationally. It's quite interesting. This is a true story. It was in the paper. Barack Obama is so popular in the African town where his father was born, they've named a beer after him. That's true. Yeah. So next time you're in Africa, sit back, relax, and enjoy a tall, cold Barackelob Light. Good enough. Clearly not as popular a beer as it used to be.” KnowsEnoughStoriesLightAmericaUsedNextFatherEnjoyBornInterestingColdPaperTownsYeahUsed To BeBarackBeerRelaxGood EnoughTallNext TimeSupporterTrue StoryVery Popular Author:Conan O'Brien
“Oh, I've wept. Yeah, I've definitely wept just with the world, you know, how judgmental they are. You know what, I know I'm a good mom.” KnowsWorldKnow HowMomYeahJudgmentalGood Mom Author:Britney Spears
“President Obama said that over 40 countries have offered to help the U.S. fight ISIS. Of course they said it the same way your friends do when they promise to help you move. 'Yeah just call me, you know, if I'm around. It'll be fun.'” IfsKnowsWaySaidCountryHelpingMovingFightingCoursesFunPresidentPromiseYeahCall MePresident ObamaThey SaidIsis Author:Jimmy Fallon
“People abroad always tend to take what the best of what we have and come back through the back door always, say, and hit us with it. And then we wake up one day and say, I think I've heard that. Yeah, it was done by whoever, you know. So, ah, that's been one of our weaknesses we don't tend to hold on as they do there.” PeopleThinkingKnowsDoneDoorsHeardOne DayWeaknessWake UpYeahBack Doors Author:Ben E. King
“My personal success would be that people understand what I was trying to do. It was the most palatable when I watchmen_7_mdid Dawn. With Watchmen, too, I feel the same way. The movie's ironic and satirical and it's funny and serious and that's kind of the same way I felt about Dawn. Like I really was making a movie that knows it's a zombie movie and enjoys that and wants the audience to say, yeah, that's okay.” PeopleKnowsWayWantFeelsTryingKindWould BeFeltEnjoyAudienceSeriousOkayYeahDawnIronicZombieSatiricalPersonal SuccessZombie Movie Author:Zack Snyder
“Yeah, and the language the "we" has, and the character the "we" has. Because that was the part of the book that I didn't plan out, but the part that I was most curious about as I was writing. You know what you're doing, but you're sometimes still sort of curious as you're writing it.” KnowsWritingStillsBookSometimesCharacterLanguagePlansYeahCurious Author:Chang-Rae Lee
“You know, when you see a haircut of yourself from around 12 or 13, it's rough. I also had really bad acne. Where I had to take this medicine - serious medicine - with warning on the label, like, "Do NOT take this if you are pregnant." Thank God I wasn't pregnant at the time. But yeah, I just had bad haircuts, bad acne, and bad clothes for a long time. And probably still right now.” IfsKnowsLongStillsSeriousRight NowClothesLong TimeYeahMedicineLabelsRoughWarningThank GodPregnantHaircutsAcneBad Haircuts Author:Rob Huebel
“Where you go to these really good schools, and it's all about preparing for the next step of success. That was never even on my radar. My job is to explore the world, because this is my one life, you know? That's totally how I see it. But I came to Yale just being like, Yeah, now I get to explore this place and meet all these people who are really smart. And I was just excited to be surrounded by people who were as smart as me or were probably smarter. And I just did not expect the level of competition and bitterness and anger, and, the tearing each other down.” PeopleKnowsWorldSchoolJobsNextLevelsStepsSmartYeahCompetitionExcitedBitternessJust BeingSmarterPreparingNext StepsRadarYaleReally SmartGood School Author:Larkin Grimm
“I did it a little bit in college, but now I've been doing it more. But yeah, it's not, I think you can definitely have a sense of humour about it. Like a lot of the time I'll finish my set with 'Sandstorm' by Darude - do you know that song? That's a funny song. People also go apeshit when you play it. But at the same time, it's not like the whole thing is a joke.” PeopleThinkingKnowsLittlesPlayWholeSongBitsCollegeHumourLittle BitJokesYeahDo You KnowSandstormsFunny Song Author:Chris Baio
“I mean, the way I'm talking, it sounds like I'm - you know, I'm about to go out and sign up for the nearest seminary, and you'll never see or hear from me again. But it's a hard thing to talk about really 'cause I'm not at all sure myself about it. But I've got a very, very simple sort of outlook to it. Yeah, that's all I can say, really.” KnowsWayMeanI CanHardCausesSoundSimpleTalkingYeahOutlookHard ThingsSeminary Author:Nick Lowe
“If the question was did we want to delay the revelation?... Yeah, you want to delay it as long as possible because the audience knows that that moment is coming and you want to make them wait for it. They have to suffer a bit.” IfsKnowsWantLongMomentsSufferingBitsWaitingAudienceYeahRevelationsThat MomentDelay Author:William Mapother
“Yeah, for me there are other challenges that aren't musical too. Like you just don't have as many people to feed off of energy wise, you are loading in and out and you are driving yourself more. Most of the challenges that count are the musical ones. I don't know why people come out to the shows, but I never think that it is to hear me play the guitar and sing. I think it must be in the writing and the presentation, which are the areas that I feel most comfortable.” PeopleThinkingKnowsFeelsWritingPlayShowsEnergyChallengesWiseLike YouComfortableAreasYeahGuitarMusicalDrivingPresentation Author:Stephen Kellogg
“I'm older now, and I been through that, like, 'Stop. Tell the truth, what I need to do?' And I think that's important, as far as artist, for me to stand for what I believe in, And a lot of times people don't like that, you know what I'm saying. You become a troubled artist, or, 'You don't listen,' but as long as I say 'Yeah, I'll do it!' I'm a good person.” PeopleThinkingKnowsNeedsBelievePersonsLongImportantArtistI BelieveYeahI Believe InTelling The TruthGood Person Author:Ginuwine