Source: This Is a Book
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Famous Demetri Martin Quotes
“100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math.”
Source: This Is a Book
“Yes" actually means "No" 100% of the time, when the question is "Can I give you some advice?”
“A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.”
“Relationships, like eyebrows, are better when there is space between them.”
“The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).”
Source: This Is a Book
“I have a time machine at home. It only goes forward at regular speed”
“A musical is the same as a burlap sack, I would not want to be in either”
“There is a small, but important, difference between peeing in the pool, and peeing into the pool.”
“My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'”
“It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.”
“If I had a bookstore I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.”
“A power nap, is when you sleep on someone who's weaker than you”
“I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.”
“I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.”