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Famous Phyllis Diller Quotes
“[When to have a facelift:] If you're tripping over your neck.”
“... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.”
“If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.”
“If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.”
Source: The joys of aging--and how to avoid them: can sex keep you young? And other silly questions
“If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.”
“If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.”
Source: Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy
Source: Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy
“You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.”
“Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.”
“If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.”