Home / Authors / Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller Quotes

Comedienne

Phyllis Diller was an iconic American comedienne, born on July 17, 1917, and passed away on August 20, 2012. Known for her unique comedic style and exaggerated performance, she was a prominent figure in the American comedy scene in the mid-20th century.

Filter quotes by topic

All Inspirational Funny Ifs Husband Children Mother Kids Knows Baby Bed Fangs Humor Want Years Men My Husband Said Three Looks Comedy

Famous Phyllis Diller Quotes

“Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.”

Today Lines Sleep Audience Gone Bed Bathroom

Author:Phyllis Diller

“When I go to bed at night, I've got so much grease on my body I wear snow chains to hold up my gown.”

Body Night Bed Snow Chains Gowns Grease

Book:Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy

Source: Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy

“Never go to bed angry, stay up and fight.”

Fighting Relationship Bed Anger Angry Live By Stay Strong Stay Positive

Author:Phyllis Diller

“I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, "You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed."”

Said Funny Remember Bed Directors Skills Laziness Fangs Sloth Indolence

Author:Phyllis Diller

“Everybody knows how much time Fang spends in bed. A local store that gives a 30 days' trial on mattresses gives Fang only 15 days.”

Knows Giving Funny Know How Bed Stores Trials Locals Laziness Fangs Sloth Indolence Mattresses

Author:Phyllis Diller

“Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, "A teaspoon before going to bed," and in one day he uses seven bottles.”

Ifs Use Funny One Day Bed Husband Medicine Seven Lazy Bottles Laziness Sloth Your Husband Indolence Teaspoons

Author:Phyllis Diller

“Once Fang took pep pills and they worked - the only time he ever ran to bed.”

Funny Bed Ran Laziness Only Time Pills Fangs Sloth Indolence Pep

Author:Phyllis Diller

“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”

“I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book; or a friend who's #read one.”

Believe Book Bed Honestly Good Book Absolutely Nothing

Author:Phyllis Diller

“It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.”

Inspirational Years Fighting Three Courses Gone Months Bed Mad Fangs Three Months

Author:Phyllis Diller

“For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.”

Inspirational Moving Careers Morning Wise Words Bed Fangs

Author:Phyllis Diller

About the Author

Born: July 17, 1917
Died: August 20, 2012
Known for: Comedienne
Quotes: 219

Related Topics

Inspirational Funny Ifs Husband Children Mother Kids Knows Baby Bed Fangs Humor Want Years Men My Husband Said Three Looks Comedy

Popular Topics

People Ifs Thinking Knows Men World Way Want Love Life Inspirational Needs Giving Feels Should Writing Trying Years Mind Firsts

Books & Sources

Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in ComedyRelated source material

The joys of aging--and how to avoid them: can sex keep you young? And other silly questionsRelated source material

Similar Authors

Erma BombeckBrowse related quotes
Rita RudnerBrowse related quotes
Steven WrightBrowse related quotes
Bill CosbyBrowse related quotes
Mitch HedbergBrowse related quotes
Rodney DangerfieldBrowse related quotes
Tommy CooperBrowse related quotes
George BurnsBrowse related quotes
Emo PhilipsBrowse related quotes
Dylan MoranBrowse related quotes