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Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller Quotes

Comedienne

Phyllis Diller was an iconic American comedienne, born on July 17, 1917, and passed away on August 20, 2012. Known for her unique comedic style and exaggerated performance, she was a prominent figure in the American comedy scene in the mid-20th century.

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Famous Phyllis Diller Quotes

“Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?”

Humor Housework

Author:Phyllis Diller

“We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up.”

Humor Parenting

Author:Phyllis Diller

“Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.”

Way Humor Becoming My Way Puberty Adjusting

Author:Phyllis Diller

“Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.”

Humor Funny Sex Comedy Timing Identical

Author:Phyllis Diller

“When I go to the beach, my grandchildren try to make words out of the veins in my legs. That's why I still take the pill; I don't want any more grandchildren.”

Want Trying Stills Humor Funny Legs Beach Grandchildren Veins Pills My Grandchildren

Author:Phyllis Diller

“You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!”

Knows Humor Funny Humility Mirrors Humble

Book:Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy

Source: Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy

“We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.”

Children Humor Kids Funny Used Rooms Baby Humorous Standing Bus One Time Rainbow Damp Midget Bus Stops

Book:Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy

Source: Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy

“The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you're away from them, who needs it?.”

Needs Children Reason Humor Kids Funny Fronts Baby Drink Humorous Alcoholics

Book:Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy

Source: Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy

“Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?”

Humor Funny Work Chance Laughter Humorous Witty Cleaning Hilarious Funny Inspirational Take A Chance Housework Housekeeping Household Chores Spring Cleaning

Book:Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy

Source: Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy

“We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.”

“If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.”

Ifs Enough Humor Havens Laughed Funny Inspirational Wrinkles

Author:Phyllis Diller

About the Author

Born: July 17, 1917
Died: August 20, 2012
Known for: Comedienne
Quotes: 219

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Inspirational Funny Ifs Husband Children Mother Kids Knows Baby Bed Fangs Humor Want Years Men My Husband Said Three Looks Comedy

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Books & Sources

Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in ComedyRelated source material

The joys of aging--and how to avoid them: can sex keep you young? And other silly questionsRelated source material

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