“I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” FunnySawsBabyHumorousParentingRadioWittyMotherhoodComedianToysBathsUnwantedToastersFunny ComedianHillariousRemembering Her Author:Joan Rivers
“You can't have everything. Where would you put it?” HumorFunnyHumilityFameLaughterHumorousSimplicityComedianFunny InspirationalSimple LifeFunny LifeFunny MotivationalLive SimplyFun StuffFunny ComedianFunny Thoughts Author:Steven Wright
“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.” LifeLongMatterFunnyThreeDoorsFiguresSixLaughterHumorousComedianLocksHilariousFunny LifeHumor And LaughterHumor LaughterFunny ComedianBest FunnyMost Funny Author:Elayne Boosler
“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” HumorFunnyDeathDiesFallComedyCuttingLaughterHumorousTragedySuicideProfoundFingersInsaneComedianFunny LifeSewersTragedy And ComedyFunny ComedianPersonal Tragedy Author:Mel Brooks
“I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'” WayMindHumorFunnyHumorousWittyMessComedianFreakGlobesFunny Comedian Author:Bruce Baum
“I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.” WantLifeInspirationalHumorRealityHappensFunnyDeathFearGriefDyingJokesHumorousWittyCleverLife And DeathSense Of HumorDeath And DyingNot AfraidFunny InspirationalLife DeathFunny LifeShowing UpJust LiveDying DeathFunny AgingLove And DeathAfraid Of DeathFunny AgeYou Live And You LearnInspirational DeathLove DeathReady To DieI Want To DieBefore DeathDeath GriefNot Afraid Of DeathDeath And LossBeautiful DeathSudden DeathSex And DeathMeaningful DeathGoonsFunny And WittyFunny ComedianDeath RemembranceFunny WittyLife HumorWitty One LinersHeaven And DeathFunny CleverRecovering From GriefClever And WittyHope DeathSex Without LovePainful DeathMisery And SufferingDying AloneDon't Take Life Too SeriouslySickness And Death Author:Woody Allen
“My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there.” GivingLittlesFunnyLeftAdviceOne DayHumorousGive MeLikesComedianGrandfatherMy GrandfatherForgetfulFunny Comedian Author:Ron Richards
“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.” SaidFunnyHateComedyMetsHumorousMental HealthRidiculousComedianFunny InspirationalPsychiatryPsychiatristHate MeFunny Comedian Author:Rodney Dangerfield