Best humorous & hard Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog, whichever was handy. If you stole a dog and were caught, you were punished with twelve rabbit punches, although it was hard to find rabbits big enough or strong enough to punch you.”

Ifs Hard Enough Bigs Strong Dog Crime Humorous Cat England Caught Stealing Bread Forty Sheep Receiving Twelve Hung Rabbits Strong Enough Lashes Handy Olden Days

Author:Mike Harding

“The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet. Be sure to wear safety glasses.”

Way Hard Humorous Safety Fruit Glasses Pounds Cake Fruitcake

Author:Dave Barry

“There's little in taking or giving, There's little in water or wine: This living, this living, this living, Was never a project of mine. Oh, hard is the struggle, and sparse is The gain of the one at the top, For art is a form of catharsis, And love is a permanent flop, And work is the province of cattle, And rest's for a clam in a shell, So I'm thinking of throwing the battle - Would you kindly direct me to hell?”

Source: Collected poems: Not so deep as a well

“If I freely may discover What should please me in my lover, I would have her fair and witty, Savouring more of court than city; A little proud, but full of pity; Light and humorous in her toying, Oft building hopes, and soon destroying, Long, but sweet in the enjoying; Neither too easy nor to hard; All extremes I would have barr'd.”

Source: Delphi Complete Works of Ben Jonson (Illustrated)

“Humorists are not humorous twenty-four hours a day. In fact, when you get to know them well, they are often not humorous at all. They tend to be hypersensitive, taut, neurotic creatures driven by God know what obscure compulsion to earn their living the hard way.”

Knows Way Wells Hard Facts Humor Hours Four Creatures Humorous Twenties Driven Obscure God Knows Compulsion Neurotic Humorists Hard Way

Book:Color blind: a white woman looks at the Negro

Source: Color blind: a white woman looks at the Negro

“... still his philanthropy was of that gunpowderous sort that the difference between it and animosity was hard to determine.”

Stills Hard Funny Differences Humorous Determine Philanthropy Animosity

Book:THE MYSTERY OF EDWIN DROOD, MASTER HUMPHREY'S CLOCK, AND SKETCHES BY

Source: THE MYSTERY OF EDWIN DROOD, MASTER HUMPHREY'S CLOCK, AND SKETCHES BY

“He was by no means opposed to hard labour on principle, for he would work away at a cricket-match by the day together, - running, and catching, and batting, and bowling, and revelling in toil which would exhaust a galley-slave.”

Mean Hard Running Funny Together Principles Humorous Slave Labour Toil Cricket Catching Bowling Batting Cricket Match

Book:Bentley's Miscellany

Source: Bentley's Miscellany

“It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?”

Hard Humor Funny Politics Work Chance Figures Hard Work Humorous Luck Lazy Laziness Hilarious Indolence Funny Work Being Lazy Lazy Man Famous Hard Working

Book:Speaking my mind: selected speeches

Source: Speaking my mind: selected speeches

“It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.”

“A hard man is good to find.”

Men Love Life Hard Romance Sex Humorous Anniversary

Author:Mae West

“Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing.”

“It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.”

Life Feels Hard Whole Enjoy Jokes Humorous Whole Life Practicals Practical Joke

Book:Percy Jackson and the Last Olympian

Source: Percy Jackson and the Last Olympian

“If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?”

Ifs Doe Hard Reason Easy Sides Humorous Climbing Everest Mt Everest

Book:Napalm & Silly Putty

Source: Napalm & Silly Putty

“The court is like a palace of marble; it's composed of people very hard and very polished.”

People Hard Humor Funny Success Law Judging Humorous Ears Court Lawyer Palaces Jury Marble Polished

Author:Jean de la Bruyere

“Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it.”

“Innovation is hard to schedule.”

Hard Time Humorous Innovation Schedules

Author:Dan Fylstra

“There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.”

Ifs Love Life Trying Real Hard Use Funny Romance Sex Imagination Humorous Overcoming Dirty Love Life

Book:Don't Bend Over in the Garden, Granny, You Know Them Taters Got Eyes

Source: Don't Bend Over in the Garden, Granny, You Know Them Taters Got Eyes

“If a man….who’s playing in front of the public, is being well paid, and he doesn’t dedicate himself to the job, I’d be hard on him. If I could I would put him in jail, out of the road of society. Because he’s a menace”

Ifs Men Wells Hard Funny Jobs Sports Society Fronts Football Humorous Paid If I Could Jail Dedication Footballer Menace

Author:Bill Shankly

“Good wine needs no bush, And perhaps products that people really want Need no hard-sell or soft-sell TV push. Why not? Look at pot.”

People Want Needs Looks Hard Tvs Products Humorous Sells Wine Advertising Why Not Pot Adverts Good Wine

Author:Ogden Nash

“The planes are crowded and noisy and late, and everybody hates everybody. If armed terrorists had tried to hijack any of the flights I've been on lately, we passengers would have swiftly beaten them to death with those hard rolls you get with your in-flight meals.”

Ifs Hard Humor Funny Hate Food Late Humorous Terrorist Flight Planes Meals Beaten Crowded Airline Passengers Noisy Air Travel

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

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Humorous Quotes