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P. J. O'Rourke

P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

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Famous P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

“Remember, FDA employees are serious about fear. We pay these people to panic about an iota of rodent hair in our chili, even when the recipe calls for it. FDA employees are first-class agonizers, world champions at losing sleep. When Meryl Streep got hysterical about Alar, they actually checked the apples instead of Meryl's head.”

PeopleWorldFirstsRememberSleepPayClassSeriousHairLosingChampionApplesEmployeePanicRecipesFirst ClassHystericalFdaWorld ChampionsRodentsChili
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
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“Political systems must love poverty-they produce so much of it. Poor people make easier targets for a demagogue. No Mao or even Jiang Zemin is likely to arise on the New York Stock Exchange floor. And politicians in democracies benefit from destitution, too. The US has had a broad range of poverty programs for 30 years. Those programs have failed. Millions of people are still poor. And those people vote for politicians who favor keeping the poverty programs in place. There's a conspiracy theory in there somewhere.”

PeopleYearsStillsPoliticalPoorPovertyMillionsDemocracyNew YorkProduceTheoryPoliticianEasierBenefitsProgramVoteFavorsAriseRangeTargetBroadsConspiracyPoor PeoplePolitical SystemsConspiracy TheoryMaoStock ExchangeNew York StockNew York Stock Exchange
Book:Eat the Rich: A Treatise on Economics
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“The Vietnamese Hoa were merchants and manufacturers. They were very successful and thus, according to the logic of Marxism, responsible for society's failures. The Hoa suffered the same fate as the pizza parlour in Spike Lee's Do The Right Thing except at the hands of the world's fourth largest army instead of a small, petulant movie director.”

WorldHandsSuccessfulFateDirectorsLogicArmyResponsibleRight ThingFourthMarxismPizzaMerchantsVietnameseMovie Director
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
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“A pleasant natural environment is a good - a luxury good, philosophical good, a moral goody-good, a good time for all. Whatever, we want it. If we want something, we should pay for it, with our labor or our cash. We shouldn't beg it, steal it, sit around wishing for it, or euchre the government into taking it by force.”

IfsWantShouldGovernmentForceWishNaturalPayMoralEnvironmentLaborPhilosophicalStealingLuxuryPleasantGood TimesCashWant SomethingNatural Environment
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
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“Government subsidies can be critically analyzed according to a simple principle: You are smarter than the government, so when the government pays you to do something you wouldn't do on your own, it is almost always paying you to do something stupid.”

GovernmentSimplePayPrinciplesStupidSmarterSubsidies
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
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“Then there was communism's weak-tea sister, socialism. Socialists maintained that we shouldn't take all the money away from all the people since all the people don't have money. We should take all the money away from only the people who make money. Then, when we run out of that, we could take more money from the people who...hey, wait! Where'd you people go? What do you mean you're "tax exiles in Monaco?"”

PeopleShouldMeanRunningWaitingTaxesWeakSocialismHeyCommunismTeaMaking MoneyMore MoneyExileMonaco
Book:The C.E.O. of the Sofa
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“There's a current notion that you should "take charge of your disease." No thanks. I'm busy. I've got cancer. I'm willing to face having cancer. I'm not willing to face having cancer with homework. I promised Dr. Pipas and Dr. Zaki that I wouldn't show up with sheaves of printouts from the Internet containing everything on Wikipedia on malignancies. They each laughed with detectable notes of relief. Although I suspect my wife has made her way into the health blog ether. Fish oil pills, raw kelp, and other untoward substances started showing up on dinner plates after I was diagnosed.”

WayShouldMadeShowsFacesWifeWillingInternetDiseaseNotesNotionBusyCancerFishesCurrentsDinnerMy WifeOilThanksSubstanceReliefSuspectsLaughedPlatesDrsPillsBlogsHomeworkShowing UpContainingWikipediaMalignancyDinner Plates
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“Gambling is so pervasive in Nevada that maybe the state should just go the whole hog. There'd be gum machines that dispensed chewing tobacco if you lost. You could gamble for the toilet paper in public bathroom stalls. And fill out Keno cards in an attempt to win cancer therapy at the hospital.”

IfsShouldStatesWholeWinningLostPaperMachinesCancerCardsTherapyGamblingHospitalsBathroomToiletsTobaccoGambleGumChewingHogToilet PaperLost YouNevadaChewing Tobacco
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“Bachelors know all about parties. In fact, a good bachelor is a living, breathing party all by himself. At least that is what my girlfriend said when she found the gin bottles under the couch. I believe her exact words were, "You're a disgusting, drunken mess." And that's a good description of a party, if it's done right.”

IfsKnowsBelieveSaidDoneFactsFoundI BelievePartyMessBreathingGirlfriendDescriptionBottlesDisgustingCouchesMy GirlfriendBachelorsGin
Book:Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader
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