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P. J. O'Rourke

P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

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Famous P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

“Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race. All through history, mankind has been bullied by scum. Those who lord it over their fellows and toss commands in every direction and would boss the grass in the meadow about which way to bend in the wind are the most depraved kind of prostitutes. They will submit to any indignity, perform any vile act, do anything to achieve power. The worst off-sloughings of the planet are the ingredients of sovereignty. Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy the whores are us.”

WayHumansKindHas BeensGovernmentPoliticalPoliticsRaceLordDemocracyTroubleAchieveWorstMankindPlanetsWindAuthorityElementsFellowsCommandGrassHuman RaceBossIngredientsSubmitLowestSovereigntyParliamentMeadowsBulliedTossDepravedScumIndignity
Book:Thrown Under the Omnibus
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“There is no virtue in compulsory government charity, and there is no virtue in advocating it. A politician who portrays himself as "caring" and "sensitive" because he wants to expand the government's charitable programs is merely saying that he's willing to try to do good with other people's money. Well, who isn't? And a voter who takes pride in supporting such programs is telling us that he'll do good with his own money - if a gun is held to his head.”

PeopleIfsWantTryingWellsGovernmentLibertyVirtueWillingPridePoliticianGunProgramEconomicsCharityCaringLibertarianSensitiveVotersLibertarianismFreedom And LibertyFreedom LibertyCharitableAdvocatingCompulsoryGovernment ProgramsWilling To Try
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.”

IfsThinkingInspirationalHumorCarePoliticalWaitingLibertyCostEconomicsLibertarianCommunismHealth CareLiberalismExpensiveLibertarianismFreedom And LibertyFreedom LibertyLaissez FaireLibertarian PartyEconomic FreedomLimited FreedomGreat Libertarian
Book:Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut
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“The second item in the liberal creed, after self-righteousness, is unaccountability. Liberals have invented whole college majors--psychology, sociology, women's studies--to prove that nothing is anybody's fault. No one is fond of taking responsibility for his actions, but consider how much you'd have to hate free will to come up with a political platform that advocates killing unborn babies but not convicted murderers. A callous pragmatist might favor abortion and capital punishment. A devout Christian would sanction neither. But it takes years of therapy to arrive at the liberal view.”

YearsSelfWholeMightActionChristianPoliticalHateViewsResponsibilityStudyPsychologyCollegeBabyProveMajorsFaultsKillingCome UpFavorsPunishmentTherapyAbortionFree WillRighteousnessPlatformsCreedsSociologyTaking ResponsibilityMurdererItemsSanctionsUnbornSelf RighteousnessCapital PunishmentCallousPragmatistsUnborn Baby
Book:Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer
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“People are all exactly alike. There's no such thing as a race and barely such a thing as an ethnic group. If we were dogs, we'd be the same breed. George Bush and an Australian Aborigine have fewer differences than a Lhasa apso and a toy fox terrier. A Japanese raised in Riyadh would be an Arab. A Zulu raised in New Rochelle would be an orthodontist. People are all the same, though their circumstances differ terribly.”

PeopleIfsWould BeDifferencesRaceGroupsDogCircumstancesRaisedFewerToysFoxesAustralianEthnic GroupsTerriersRiyadh
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.”

ChildrenPhilosophyIllCoreMiserableUselessLiberalismSpoiledUnsatisfiedBratSpoiled Children
Book:Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer
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“The principal feature of American liberalism is sanctimoniousness. By loudly denouncing all bad things — war and hunger and date rape — liberals testify to their own terrific goodness. More important, they promote themselves to membership in a self-selecting elite of those who care deeply about such things.... It's a kind of natural aristocracy, and the wonderful thing about this aristocracy is that you don't have to be brave, smart, strong or even lucky to join it, you just have to be liberal.”

KindImportantWarSelfCareStrongNaturalWonderfulLuckyGoodnessSmartBraveHungerFeaturesLiberalismBad ThingsElitesPrincipalWho CaresBe BraveWonderful ThingsTerrificAristocracyMembership
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.”

WantHelpingEarthMotherFamilyMomRoutineDishesHappy Mothers DayMother's LoveBest MotherInspirational MothersMothers Day InspirationalInspirational MotherhoodLove For My MotherMom Knows Best
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
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“It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money.”

GovernmentEffortLibertyEconomicAmountWasteEconomicsLibertarianPlanningEnormousDelusionLibertarianismSlothGovernment SpendingInefficiencyGovernment Waste
Book:Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government
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“One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on. And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable how often his picture turns up on your driver's license.”

InspirationalBelieveProblemTurnsIndividualResponsibilityLibertyFindingsDifficultyBlameLibertarianRemarkableFree WillDriversAnnoyingLibertarianismLicenseIndividual LibertyIndividual ResponsibilityAnnoying Things
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.”

MenMadeFunnyDrinkTasteResponsibleChristmasRemarkableEggsMatureCheeseAlcoholicsBreakdownCottagesInspirational ChristmasChristmas HolidayGrown ManFunny ChristmasHolliesXmasChristmas ThoughtsBeveragesChristmas Card GreetingsChristmas Holiday GreetingsHumorous ChristmasNecktiesFunny HolidayHoliday CardHoliday Greeting Card
Book:Modern manners
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“Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.”

YearsFirstsEndsFunnyNextRealizingMoneyPartyOfficeChristmasAprilNext YearDecemberFunny MoneyInspirational ChristmasChristmas DayChristmas HolidayFunny ChristmasXmasChristmas ThoughtsChristmas LoveHoliday SeasonMerry Christmas InspirationalChristmas CardShort ChristmasChristmas Card GreetingsChristmas Holiday GreetingsFunny Christmas CardFunny Merry ChristmasChristmas PartyMerry Christmas CardsChristmas CheerHumorous ChristmasFunny HolidayHoliday CardWinter ChristmasFamily ChristmasHoliday Greeting CardWinter Holiday
Book:Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People
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“A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussel sprouts never do.”

IfsLooksFunnyTurnsFoodCookingWineFruitCulinaryPlusVegetablesSproutsEating FoodFruits And VegetablesFunny FoodFood And EatingItalian FoodDelicious FoodItalian CookingFun FoodFood CultureBrussel Sprouts
Book:The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig
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“The preamble to the Constitution states: "We, the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquillity, provide for the common defence, promote the general welfare..." It doesn't say "guarantee the general welfare." And it certainly doesn't say "give welfare benefits to all the people in the country who aren't doing so well even if the reason they aren't doing so well is because they're sitting on their butts in front of the TV".”

PeopleIfsGivingWellsCountryStatesReasonFormOrderJusticePerfectUnitedCommonUnited StatesFrontsTvsBenefitsSittingConstitutionUnionsWelfareGuaranteesDefenceTranquillityGeneral WelfarePreamble
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“I like to do my principal research in bars, where people are more likely to tell the truth or, at least, lie less convincingly than they do in briefings and books.”

PeopleBookLyingResearchDrinkingAlcoholBarsTelling The TruthPrincipalAlcoholismDrinking AlcoholFunny DrinkingGreat DrinkingFunny AlcoholGreat AlcoholBriefing
Book:Holidays in Hell: In Which Our Intrepid Reporter Travels to the World's Worst Places and Asks,
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“In the end we beat them with Levi's 501 jeans. Seventy-two years of communist indoctrination and propaganda was drowned out by a three-ounce Sony Walkman. A huge totalitarian system...has been brought to its knees because nobody wants to wear Bulgarian shoes. Now they're lunch, and we're number one on the planet.”

WantYearsHas BeensTwoEndsThreeNumbersPlanetsHugeBeatsShoesCommunismPropagandaKneesTwo YearsCommunistLunchJeansSeventiesIndoctrinationSonyBulgarians
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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