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P. J. O'Rourke

P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

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Famous P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

“Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.”

YearsThanksgivingThankfulnessThanksgiving DayThanksgiving ThanksInspirational ThanksgivingThankful ThanksgivingThanksgiving ThankfulHappy ThanksgivingFunny ThanksgivingThanksgiving InspirationalThanksgiving FunnyThanksgiving Thank YouThanksgiving GreetingsFunny Happy ThanksgivingFamily ThanksgivingThanksgiving And FamilyThanksgiving FamilyFunny Thanksgiving DayFriends ThanksgivingThanksgiving ThoughtsHappy Thanksgiving PoemsDay After ThanksgivingThankful For Family
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit. A politician is anyone who asks individuals to surrender part of their liberty - their power and privilege - to State, Masses, Mankind, Planet Earth, or whatever. This state, those masses, that mankind, and the planet will then be run by ... politicians.”

StatesRunningEarthPoliticalAsksIndividualLibertyMankindPlanetsPoliticianMassPrivilegeSurrenderMeritPossessingPlanet Earth
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“I believe that Western civilization, after some disgusting glitches, has become almost civilized. I believe it is our first duty to protect that civilization. I believe it is our second duty to improve it. I believe it is our third duty to extend it if we can.”

IfsFirstsBelieveI BelieveDutyCivilizationProtectThirdsWesternCivilizedDisgustingWestern CivilizationGlitches
Book:Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer
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“The real slums are another matter. The bad parts of Tondo are as bad as any place I've seen, ancient, filthy houses swarmed with the poor and stinking of sewage and trash. But there are worse parts - squatter areas where people live under cardboard, in shipping crates, behind tacked-up newspapers. Dad would march you straight to the basement with a hairbrush in his hand if he caught you keeping your hamster cage like this.”

PeopleIfsRealMatterHandsHousePoorBehindsDadAreasAncientCaughtNewspapersMarchCagesTrashBasementsFilthySlumsShippingHamstersSewageSquatters
Book:Republican Party Reptile: The Confessions, Adventures, Essays and (Other) Outrages of . . .
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“Health care is too expensive, so the Clinton administration is putting a high-powered coporate lawyer - Hillary - in charge of making it cheaper. (This is what I always do when I want to spend less money - hire a lawyer from Yale.) If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.”

IfsThinkingWantCareWaitingCostClintonLawyerAdministrationHealth CareExpensiveCheaperYale
Book:Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut
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“In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that when the official U.S. measure of poverty was developed in 1963, a poor American family had an income twenty-nine times greater than the average per capita income in the rest of the world. An individual American could make more money than 93 percent of the other people on the planet and still be considered poor.”

PeopleWorldLongStillsAmericaPoliticalIndividualTermPoorPovertyGreaterModernFiguresPlanetsPercentShotsScientistTwentiesFoundationAverageNineIncomeOfficialsHeritageMore MoneyModern WorldAmerican FamilyLong ShotsPoverty In America
Book:Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government
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“It takes a lot of weapons to do good works (as Richard the Lionhearted could have told us). And this is not just a Somali problem. We have poverty and deprivation in our own country. Try standing unarmed on a street corner in Compton handing out twenty-dollar bills and see how long you last.”

TryingLongCountryProblemLastsPovertyStreetsWeaponsStandingTwentiesBillsDollarsCornersGood WorkDeprivationUnarmedStreet CornersDollar BillsComptonSomali
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
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“The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know.”

KnowsLittlesCitizensDrinkSittingDrinkingAverageGlassesCoffeeBunchCupsParisMonkeysWhiskeyCoffee CupBaltimoreTrue YouStylish
Book:Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader
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“Imagine a weight-loss program at the end of which, instead of better health, good looks, and hot romantic prospects, you die. Somalia had become just this kind of spa.”

LooksKindEndsDiesLossImagineProgramWeightHotLooking GoodWeight LossProspectsSomaliaSpas
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
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“The morning meal was served in traditional socialist fashion - very slowly, with the courses out of order so that the jelly arrived half an hour after the toast and the coffee didn't come until we'd called for the check. However, it was hard to be angry at a place that had ice cream, beer, and cigarettes on its breakfast menu.”

HardOrderCoursesHoursHalfMorningFashionAngryCoffeeChecksTraditionalIceBeerMealsBreakfastCigaretteCreamSocialistIce CreamToastsMenusJelly
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
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“When government does, occasionally, work, it works in an elitist fashion. That is, government is most easily manipulated by people who have money and power already. This is why government benefits usually go to people who don't need benefits from government. Government may make some environmental improvements, but these will be improvements for rich bird-watchers. And no one in government will remember that when poor people go bird-watching they do it at Kentucky Fried Chicken.”

PeopleNeedsMayDoeGovernmentRememberPoorRichFashionBenefitsBirdEnvironmentalImprovementWorking ItChickensPoor PeopleKentuckyElitistWatchersMoney And PowerFried ChickenBird Watching
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“If we're going to improve the environment, the first thing we should do is duck the government. The second thing we should do is quit being moral. Screw the rights of nature. Nature will have rights as soon as it get duties. The minute we see birds, trees, bugs, and squirrels picking up litter, giving money to charity, and keeping an eye on our kids at the park, we'll let them vote.”

IfsGivingShouldFirstsGovernmentEyeKidsMoralEnvironmentRightsTreeMinutesDutyBirdVoteCharityQuittingParksDucksScrewsBugsSquirrelsGiving Money
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
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“Even a band of angels can turn ugly and start looting if enough angels are unemployed and hanging around the Pearly Gates convinced that all the succubi own all the liquor stores in Heaven.”

IfsEnoughTurnsHeavenBandAngelUglyConvincedStoresGatesLiquorUnemployedHanging AroundLootingLiquor StoresPearly Gates
Book:Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government
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“There's a lot of debate on this subject - about what kind of car handles best. Some say a a front-engined car, some say a rear-engined car. I say a rented car. Nothing handles better than a rented car. You can go faster, turn corners sharper, and put the transmission into reverse while going forward at a higher rate of speed in a rented car than in any other kind.”

KindTurnsSubjectsCarFrontsHigherRateCornersSpeedDebateHandleFasterReverseTransmission
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else available. Western civilization not only provides a bit of life, a pinch of liberty and the occasional pursuance of happiness, it's also the only thing that's ever tried to. Our civilization is the first in history to show even the slightest concern for average, undistinguished, none-too-commendable people like us.”

PeopleWorldFirstsShowsAmericaBitsHalfLibertyModernCivilizationEuropeConcernWesternAverageAvailableAsiaModern WorldOccasionalWestern CivilizationNorth AmericaCommendable
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“Our democracy, our culture, our whole way of life is a spectacular triumph of the blah. Why not have a political convention without politics to nominate a leader who's out in front of nobody? Maybe our national mindlessness is the very thing that keeps us from turning into one of those smelly European countries full of pseudo-reds and crypto-fascists and greens who dress like forest elves.”

WayCountryWholeAmericaPoliticalLife IsCultureLeaderDemocracyFrontsDressesForestsTriumphWhy NotConventionsSpectacularFascistsPseudoEuropean CountriesBlahSmelly
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“How a peaceful, uncrowded place with ample wherewithal stays poor is hard to explain. How a conflict-ridden, grossly over-populated place with no resources whatsoever gets rich is simple. The British colonial government turned Hong Kong into an economic miracle by doing nothing.”

HardGovernmentSimplePoorRichEconomicConflictResourcesMiracleBritishPeacefulDoing NothingGet RichHong Kong
Book:Eat the Rich: A Treatise on Economics
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