P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

“If I do, I say so. That's the only way out of that. If there are three words that need to be used more in American journalism, commentary, politics, personal life... it's the magic words "I don't know." I mean, there are certain basic principles, like the dignity of the individual and the individual's responsibility, and certain basic economic principles, like how when something costs less, more of it will be consumed... There are certain things that I feel pretty confident about.”

“When I get in deep water, I prefer to announce that I'm in over my head.”

Water Deep Water

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Self-interest leads to honing your skills, the better to trade with.”

Self Interest Skills Trade Self Interest Honing

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Adam Smith pointed out that there were three things that make us more prosperous, in a general sort of way: freedom to pursue our own self-interest; specialization, which he called division of labor; and freedom of trade.”

Way Self Three Interest Labor Trade Pursue Division Adam Prosperous Three Things Self Interest Specialization Division Of Labor

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Globalization is simply opening the free marketplace to encompass the entire world.”

World Opening Globalization Free Market Marketplace

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Any trade that is voluntarily made is mutually beneficial, by definition, and, indeed, is balanced, by definition.”

Made Trade Definitions Balanced Beneficial

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“It doesn't matter how many televisions and computers and pieces of stereo equipment the Chinese send to us, even if they're sending them to us only in return for some funny, little, green pieces of paper. That is a balanced trade. They got what they wanted: the green pieces of paper. We got what we wanted: the plush toys, the computers, the stereo components.”

Ifs Littles Matter Wanted Pieces Television Return Paper Computer Green Trade Chinese Toys Balanced Equipment Components

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“There's no such thing as a trade deficit.”

Trade Deficit

Book:DON'T VOTE - It Just Encourages the Bastards

Source: DON'T VOTE - It Just Encourages the Bastards

“I've never been able to get it straight about what these people who are worried about the trade deficit are worried about. When they say that we're buying too much from overseas, that we're sending too many dollars overseas to get all these goods and services they got, they're saying that the American dollar is too strong and that is hurting our economy. And the result of this will be that the American dollar will get too weak, and that will hurt our economy.”

People Able Strong Hurt Results Economy Too Much Weak Trade Dollars Worried Buying Goods Deficit Goods And Services

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“If the dollar weakens, then presumably all the things that we make in the United States - Buicks, for instance - can be sold cheap all over the world, and everyone will be buying our goods, and we'll get all sorts of yen-denominated, or yuan-denominated, or euro-denominated securities, and then everybody else will be worried.”

Ifs World States United United States Security Dollars Instance Worried Buying Goods Euro

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Nothing about economic growth in the United States over the course of the past 40, 50 years, during which time this has been continually happening, would indicate that we are being harmed in an overall sense by this.”

Years Has Beens States Past Courses Growth United United States Economic Happenings Economic Growth

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“I don't see evidence of America being a poorer country than it was 20 years ago. I've seen impoverished devastation. I've seen places where things had been good and now they were very bad.”

Years Country America Evidence Years Ago Devastation

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“I covered the Lebanese civil war. I could see a place that had once been prosperous and now was impoverished. I'm not seeing that in America.”

War America Seeing Civil War Covered Prosperous Lebanese

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“As long as we are on firm moral ground, as long as we're caring about other people, these are legitimate worries. The minute that we start protecting our own interests in the name of these worries and saying, "Oh, we have to make sure that only Ford Motor Company manufactures cars, because we can't be sure that the cars in other countries are being made quite up to our point of view," we're economically off base, and, of course, we're moral hypocrites, too.”

People Long Made Country Courses Names Interest Views Company Moral Worry Minutes Car Caring Point Of View Firm Other Countries Hypocrite Motor Ford Motor

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Something that comes to us, some gym shoe that comes to us as a result of child labor from a brutal dictatorship, where people do not have basic freedoms, it wouldn't bug me to tax the living Dickens out of that thing or even to forbid its importation whatsoever. But that's a moral question, not an economic question.”

People Children Results Moral Economic Taxes Labor Shoes Gym Dictatorship Brutal Bugs Dickens Child Labor Importation

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“It is important to remember when reading Adam Smith or even when just thinking about Smith that the era that he lived in, we're not talking about poverty in a day when it meant not enough bedrooms for the kids, an old car, a black and white television. We're talking about a whole world where poverty meant not enough to eat.”

Thinking World Important Enough Whole Kids Remember Reading Black White Talking Poverty Car Television Whole World Eras Adam Black And White Bedroom Remember When Not Talking Old Car

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“One of the things that makes me a conservative, or a libertarian, or whatever the heck it is that I am - a person who doesn't much like big government - is that I do not like the concentration of the power.”

Persons Bigs Government Conservative Libertarian Concentration Big Government

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Whenever government proposes to get involved in the regulation of trade, just be very, very careful about who's behind this proposal, what their motives are.”

Government Behinds Involved Trade Careful Motive Regulation Get Involved Proposal Propose

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government, and I'm here to help."”

Helping Government Used Language Frightening Federal Government English Language

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.”

Source: Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer

“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”

Source: The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig

“Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.”

Source: Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government

“The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you're rich.”

Political Politics Pay Rich News Administration Good News Bad News Good News And Bad News

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.”

Government Political Politics Party Liberty Republican Prove Humorous Democrat Remove Smarter Lawns Prove It Urban Planning

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.”

Important Funny Laughter Humorous Witty Unlikely Criminal Mind Godliness Cleanliness

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.”

Source: Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

“Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.”

May Funny Parent Difficult Comedy Discipline Size Pregnancy Parents Love Young Parents

Book:Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

Source: Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

“When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.”

Source: Parliament of Whores-Open Mark

“Never fight an inanimate object.”

Life Funny Fighting Advice Objects Humorous Witty Martial Arts Inanimate Objects

Book:Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

Source: Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

“Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.”

“You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.”

“Never wear anything that panics the cat.”

Humanity Fun Animal Cat Pet Animal Rights Panic Animal Cruelty Fashion And Style Clothing Style

Book:Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

Source: Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

“Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.”

Stills Feelings Government Sides Liberty Comedy Economic Quitting Feel Good Catastrophe Bright Side

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.”

Wells America Comedy

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.”

Character Political Death Politics President Five Four Failing Failure Office Shots Criticism Election Worried When All Else Fails

Book:Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government

Source: Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government

“Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.”

Stupid College Stupidity Seriousness

Book:Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer

Source: Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer

“I think it's been hard for people to understand how Islam can be a good religion, and yet the Islamists are evil. Those of us who have had experience with Islam understand this, just as we understand the difference between snake handlers and people going to church on Sunday morning.”

People Thinking Hard Evil Differences Church Morning Islam Sunday Snakes Sunday Morning Islamists Going To Church Church On Sunday

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.”

Knows Should Looks Persons Kids Three Comedy Four Normal Extraordinary Appearance Rings Noses Behave Reverse Absolutely Nothing

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present.”

Objects Gossip Flattery

Book:Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

Source: Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

“You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.”

People Giving Poor Poverty Economics Libertarian Libertarianism Poor People Ending Poverty Giving Money Global Poverty

Book:PARLIAMENT OF WHORES A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government

Source: PARLIAMENT OF WHORES A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government

“Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.”

Christian Fun Born Humorous Profound Atheist Insane Cows Hunting Scope Born Again Rifles Dairy Dairy Cows

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.”

Needs Children Young Death Comedy Dying Concepts Your Children Parenthood Threatening Fathers Day Young Children Die Young Funny Parenting Funny Parent Children Dying

Book:Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

Source: Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

“The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.”

Source: Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

“A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.”

Life Should Looks Funny Left Taken Fashion Stupid Stupidity Hats Rest Of Your Life

Book:Thrown Under the Omnibus

Source: Thrown Under the Omnibus

“Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.”

Children Comedy Financial Valuable Divorce Nasty Contests Pawns

Book:Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

Source: Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.”

Source: Modern manners

“There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.”

People Facts Scary Old People

Book:Parliament of Whores-Open Mark

Source: Parliament of Whores-Open Mark

“If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.”

Ifs Government Would Be Liberty Comedy Products Libertarian Selling Illegal Extortion

Book:Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut

Source: Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut

“Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.”

Source: Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People

“Fortunately, I'm married to someone who's a pretty excellent parent!”

Parent Married Excellent

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

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