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P. J. O'Rourke

P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

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Famous P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

“Mankind has invested more than four million years of evolution in the attempt to avoid physical exertion. Now a group of backward-thinking atavists mounted on foot-powered pairs of Hula-Hoops would have us pumping our legs, gritting our teeth, and searing our lungs as though we were being chased across the Pleistocene savanna by saber-toothed tigers. Think of the hopes, the dreams, the effort, the brilliance, the pure force of will that, over the eons, has gone into the creation of the Cadillac Coupe de Ville. Bicycle riders would have us throw all this on the ash heap of history.”

ThinkingInspirationalYearsDreamForceEffortMillionsGoneFourGroupsFeetMankindCreationEvolutionPureLegsTeethPairsAshesTigersBikeLungsBicycleBrillianceRidersExertionCadillacsCyclistsForce Of WillHulaSavanna
Book:Republican Party Reptile: The Confessions, Adventures, Essays and (Other) Outrages of P.J. O'Rourke
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“There was also a hunger strike in front of the National Press Club, which seemed an odd place to have a hunger strike (a cocktail fast, maybe). Although the Bangladeshis were savvy enough to know to know that if you're going to pester journalists, don't go to where they work: You'll never find them there.”

IfsKnowsEnoughFunnyFrontsPressesHungerClubsStrikesJournalismJournalistOddCocktailsSavvyHunger Strike
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
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“Generally it's not a good idea to wear Banana Republic - type khaki journalist clothes in a war zone. You might look too much like something that's supposed to be shot, such as a journalist.”

LooksIdeasWarMightFunnyToo MuchTypeClothesShotsJournalismSupposed To BeJournalistZoneRepublicGood IdeasLike SomethingBananasWar Zones
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
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“The day was warm and clear. Kids were playing soccer in the parking lots and women were sunning their babies and having their tea all over the lawns. The scene was entirely too cheery for journalism.”

KidsFunnyClearBabySceneWarmJournalismTeaSoccerJournalistLawnsParkingParking LotPlaying Soccer
Book:Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer
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“Journalists aren't supposed to praise things. It's a violation of work rules almost as serious as buying drinks with our own money or absolving the CIA of something.”

FunnySeriousDrinkPraiseJournalismJournalistBuyingViolationCiaNewspapers Journalism
Book:Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer
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“If a journalist shows a facility for praise he's liable to be offered a job in public relations or advertising and the next thing you know he's got a big office, a huge salary and is living in a fine home with a lovely wife and swell kids - another career blown to hell.”

IfsKnowsShowsHomeBigsKidsFunnyJobsNextCareersHellWifeHugeFineOfficeRelationPraiseLovelyAdvertisingJournalismJournalistSalaryFacilityLiablePublic RelationsLovely Wife
Book:Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer
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“Government isn't a good way to solve problems ... [G]overnment is concerned mostly with self-perpetuation and is subject to fantastic ideas about its own capabilities. ... [G]overnment is wasteful of the nation's resources, immune to common sense and subject to pressure from every half-organized bouquet of assholes. ... [G]overnment is distrustful of and disrespectful toward average Americans while being easily gulled by Americans with money, influence or fame.”

WayIdeasSelfProblemGovernmentNationsCommonHalfInfluenceSubjectsFameResourcesConcernedPressureAverageSolveCommon SenseFantasticOrganizedCapabilityImmuneGood WayDisrespectfulBouquets
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“The three branches of government number considerably more than three and are not, in any sense, 'branches' since that would imply that there is something they are all attached to besides self-aggrandizement and our pocketbooks. ... Government is not a machine with parts; it's an organism. When does an intestine quit being an intestine and start becoming an asshole?”

DoeSelfGovernmentThreeNumbersBecomingMachinesQuittingBranchesOrganismsIntestinesBranches Of GovernmentPocketbooksThree Branches Of Government
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“Think of what big governments have gotten up to in this century : not one, but two world wars, the gulag, the holocaust, aerial bombing of civilian population centers, the Berlin Wall, nuclear explosions, the post office. A wicked individual might want these, but he wouldn't have the cash and connections to get them. A villainous corporation could afford them but has to market the products. The Vietnam draft would be a tough sell for even the most fiendish businessmen. "Get shot! Get killed! Get diseases from foreign women who despise you in their hearts!"”

ThinkingWorldWantHeartTwoWarBigsGovernmentMightWould BeIndividualCenturyProductsWallOfficeDiseaseShotsToughConnectionsSellsPopulationNuclearPostsCorporationsWar Of The WorldsWickedVietnamDespiseCashHolocaustBusinessmanExplosionsCiviliansBerlinBombingBig GovernmentTwo WorldsPost OfficeBerlin WallGulags
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“Oh, God. The Sixties are coming back. Well I've got a 12-gauge double-barreled duck gun chambered for three-inch Magnum shells. And - speaking strictly for this retired hippie and former pinko beatnik - if the Sixties head my way, they won't get past the porch steps. They will be history. Which, for chrissakes, is what they're supposed to be.”

IfsWayWellsPastThreeStepsHistoryGunFormerMy WaySupposed To BeDucksInchesSixtyShellsComing BackRetiredHippiePorchGaugesBeatnik
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“Asia is the continent rhythm forgot. At best Asian music is off-brand American pop, like Sonny Bono in a karaoke bar. At worst Asian music sounds as if a truck full of wind chimes collided with a stack of empty oil drums during a birdcall contest.”

IfsSoundWorstWindMusic IsEmptyPopsOilBarsRhythmBrandsContinentsContestsAsiaTruckAsianKaraokeChimes
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
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“The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot cycle and the phases of the moon. Being a Republican, I'm backing Hillary Clinton. Because she could lose. The reason is not that she's a woman. The reason is that she's the particular woman who taught the 4th grade class that every man in America wished he were dead in. Hillary Clinton is Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown. Hillary Clinton is "America's ex-wife."”

MenReasonAmericaLosesNumbersClassWifeFootballTaughtParticularRepublicanMoonClintonEvery ManPresidentialCandidatesGradesBrownCyclesPhasesExesVaryCharlieLucyPresidential CandidateAmerican PresidentEx WifeSunspotsPhases Of The Moon
Author:P. J. O'Rourke
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“Bureaucrats want bigger bureaus. Special interests are interested in whatever's special to them. These two groups bring great pressure to bear upon politicians who have another agenda yet: to cater to the temporary whims and fads of the public and the press.”

WantTwoInterestGroupsSpecialBearsPoliticianBiggerPressurePressesAgendasTemporaryWhimBureaucratsSpecial InterestsFads
Book:All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty
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