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Famous Rita Rudner Quotes
“A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.”
“I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.”
“I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.”
“My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.”
“How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon?”
“Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.”
“You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.”
“Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.”
“I knew so little about money I used to sign my check, "Love, Rita."”
“When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can't they just get lost?”
“I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.”
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.”
“I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.”
“Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.”
“I rationalize shop. I buy a dress because I need change for gum.”
“A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.”
“My parents always told me I could do anything, but never told me how long it would take”