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Famous Rita Rudner Quotes
“Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.”
“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.”
“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.”
“I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.”
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'”
“Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.”
“I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.”
“I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.”
“My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.”
“I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.”
“I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.”
“I just love dogs, and there really is no better companion than an animal.”
“I'm a very simple person. I'm very shallow. Shallow, simple, easily pleased: that's me.”
“If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.”
“It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.”
“They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.”
“I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.”
“I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.”
“I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.”