Source: An autobiography
Funny Marriage Quotes
Browse 263 quotes about Funny Marriage.
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Funny Marriage Quotes
“In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.”
“Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.”
“Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.”
“Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk.”
Source: Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin
“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.”
“Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you'll meet that night.”
“Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of.”
“Everything comes to us from others. To Be is to belong to someone.”
Source: Saint Genet: Actor and Martyr
“The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.”
“I'm going to get married again because I'm more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”
Source: Dave Barry Talks Back
“We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children? Well, she and I were.”
Source: Heartland
“Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.”
“Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.”
“Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.”
“If Marilyn is in love with my husband it proves she has good taste, for I am in love with him too.”
“Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.”
Source: Wisdom of the 90s
“The Equal Rights Amendment would "turn holy wedlock into holy deadlock."”
“The only time some fellows are seen with their wives is after they're indicted.”
“I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.”
“Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.”
“The ideal husband understands every word his wife doesn't say.”
“My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.”
“Bigamy ? It's having one wife too much... ...Monogamy ? It's the same.”
Source: Behan Complete Plays
“True charity ought to begin in marriage, for it is a relationship that must be rebuilt every day.”
“Each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people.”