Source: All the Dave Barry you could ever want: four classic books in one from America's foremost humorist
Funny Marriage Quotes
Browse 263 quotes about Funny Marriage.
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Funny Marriage Quotes
“You kissed me like that when I was a blushing bride ...? I wonder what I was blushing about?”
“Marriage is great. It'll calm you down - that and neutering.”
“I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.”
“Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.”
“My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.”
“Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.”
“God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.”
“If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.”
“If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.”
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.”
“Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!”
“My wife assures me she didn't sleep with Tiger Woods, but how can I believe her?”
“That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.”
Source: The Cat's Pajamas and Witch's Milk
“With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.”
“Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?”
“I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.”
“It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs