Best humorous & running Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“The Psblurtex is an 18-inch long anaconda that hides in the gentlemen's outfitting departments of Amazonian stores and is often bought by mistake since its colors are those of the London Reform Club. Once tied around its victim's neck, it strangles him gently and then claims the insurance before running off to Germany where it lives in hiding.”

Long Running Mistake Color Humorous Claims Victim Clubs London Stores Reform Gentleman Germany Department Necks Hiding Inches Tied

Author:Mike Harding

“The problem ... is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with. Scientists working for the Department of Energy have tried to form oil using other animals; they've piled thousands of tons of sand and Middle Eastern countries on top of cows, raccoons, haddock, laboratory rats, etc., but so far all they have managed to do is run up an enormous bulldozer-rental bill and anger a lot of Middle Eastern persons. None of the animals turned into oil, although most of the laboratory rats developed cancer.”

Persons Country Problem Running Form Energy Animal Middle Humorous Scientist Bills Cancer Oil Enormous Department Sand Etc Cows Rats Eastern Laboratory Dinosaurs Raccoons Bulldozers

Author:Dave Barry

“The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.”

Giving Running Chance Humorous Reaching Strings Dozen Vacuums Examining

Author:Rich Hall

“In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble.”

Long Running Humorous Program Long Runs Rubble Rococo

Author:Alan Perlis

“He was by no means opposed to hard labour on principle, for he would work away at a cricket-match by the day together, - running, and catching, and batting, and bowling, and revelling in toil which would exhaust a galley-slave.”

Mean Hard Running Funny Together Principles Humorous Slave Labour Toil Cricket Catching Bowling Batting Cricket Match

Book:Bentley's Miscellany

Source: Bentley's Miscellany

“If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.”

Ifs Country Running Liberty Humorous Libertarian Libertarianism Committees

Author:William Graham Sumner

“In business, the competition will bite you if you keep running; if you stand still, they will swallow you.”

Ifs Stills Running Business Humorous Competition Bites Service Culture Keep Running

Author:Victor Kiam

“Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.”

Running Time Work Minutes Hard Work Humorous Distance Witty Seconds Sixty Distance Relationship Unforgiving Distance Runner Distance Running Great Running Best Poetry

Author:Rudyard Kipling

“Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost.”

“Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.”

Ifs Children Running Kids Funny Asks Laughter Humorous Asking Parenting Silly Sentimental Bedtime Errands Asking For Help

Author:Red Skelton

“There's no such thing as bad weather, just soft people.”

“Everyone has the right to run his own life- even if you're heading for a crash. What I'm against is blind flying.”

Ifs Running Humorous Blind Witty Flying Sarcastic Crash Headings

Book:The wit and wisdom of Mae West

Source: The wit and wisdom of Mae West

“Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!”

Looks Humor Running Water Humour Humorous Afternoon Dirt Comic Book Cartoonist Calvin And Hobbes Friendship Funny Kid

Author:Bill Watterson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up”

Running Humorous Witty Clever Spine Shiver Funny And Witty Funny Witty Life Humor Classic Insult Funny Clever Clever And Witty

Author:Paul Keating

“In my experience, you run into trouble when you ask a group of beer-drinking men to perform any task more complex than remembering not to light the filter ends of cigarettes.”

Men Ends Humor Light Running Funny Remember Asks Trouble Groups Drink Humorous Tasks Wine Drinking Complexes Alcohol Beer Cigarette Liquor Filters Beer Drinking

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“I'm sure I spent more time in Texas than anybody else who had run for President recently.”

Running President Stupid Humorous More Time Texas

Book:Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: William J. Clinton, 1995

Source: Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: William J. Clinton, 1995

“Zeus Is Dead is full of laugh-out-loud moments, lashings of sly wit, moan-worthy puns, and a complex, fast-paced storyline. There aren't very many humorous fantasy murder mysteries out there, especially not as intricately constructed as this one. Michael G. Munz takes a 'What if,' and runs with it like a toddler with Mom's smart phone. The guffaw-worthy throwaway bits will remind you of Douglas Adams. A very enjoyable read.”

“The best doctor is the one you run to and can't find.”

Humor Running Funny Humorous Doctors Medicine Medical Denial

Author:Denis Diderot

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Humorous Quotes