“What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?”
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Famous George Carlin Quotes
“In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.”
Source: Brain Droppings
“You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.”
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
“Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.”
“There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.”
“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.”
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
“I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.”
Source: Brain Droppings
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
Source: The Best of Brain Droppings
“Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!”
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
“I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.”
Source: Last Words
“No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.”
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
“Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.”
Source: 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
“I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.”
“God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.”
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
“In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.”
“Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?”
Source: 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
“So far, this is the oldest I've been.”
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
“Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.”
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
“If black boxes survive air crashes - why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?”
“Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.”
Source: 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
“There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!”
Source: When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
“Good news for senior citizens: Death is near!”
Source: When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
Source: 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
“If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.”
Source: When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
“If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.”
Source: Brain Droppings
“Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.”
“When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.”
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
Source: Brain Droppings
“Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.”
Source: 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
“What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?”
“If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?”