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Famous George Carlin Quotes
“How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?”
“The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.”
“Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.”
“I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.”
“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.”
“The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”
“If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?”
“As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.”
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.”
“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.”
“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.”
“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”
“The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.”
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
“Electricity is really just organized lightning.”
“I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.”
“Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?”
“Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.”
“There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.”