Home / Topics / Humorous Quotes

Humorous Quotes

Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.

Humorous Quotes

“When I played drunks I had to remain sober because I didn't know how to play them when I was drunk.”

Knows Play Humor Funny Know How Drink Humorous Wine Drinking Alcohol Drunk Sober Liquor Drinking Alcohol

Author:Richard Burton

“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”

“There are more old drunkards than old physicians.”

Drink Humorous Wine Drinking Alcohol Beer Physicians Liquor Drinking Alcohol Drunkards Great Drinking Alcohol Drinking Great Alcohol Alcoholic Drinks

Book:Gargantua and Pantagruel

Source: Gargantua and Pantagruel

“Beer is a wholesome liquor.....it abounds with nourishment”

Humorous Beer Liquor Nourishment Brewing Funny Beer Brewing Beer Beer Drinkers

Author:Benjamin Rush

“Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills the brain cells that contain good sense, shame, embarrassment, and restraint.”

Humor Funny Brain Drink Humorous Shame Wine Drinking Alcohol Cells Occasions Neglect Restraint Embarrassment Liquor Good Sense Selective Refreshments Brain Cells

Book:Thrown Under the Omnibus

Source: Thrown Under the Omnibus

“There is no such thing as bad whiskey. Some whiskeys just happen to be better than others. But a man shouldn't fool with booze until he's fifty; then he's a damn fool if he doesn't.”

Ifs Men Humor Happens Funny Fool Drink Humorous Wine Drinking Alcohol Damn Fifty Whiskey Liquor Booze

Author:William Faulkner

“Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have given me more pleasure.”

Humor Funny Speak Given Pleasure Drink Humorous Wine Drinking Alcohol Drunk Bottles Fifteen Whiskey Liquor Drinking Whiskey Whiskey Drinking Whiskey And Love

Book:Ernest Hemingway Selected Letters 1917-1961

Source: Ernest Hemingway Selected Letters 1917-1961

“In my experience, you run into trouble when you ask a group of beer-drinking men to perform any task more complex than remembering not to light the filter ends of cigarettes.”

Men Ends Humor Light Running Funny Remember Asks Trouble Groups Drink Humorous Tasks Wine Drinking Complexes Alcohol Beer Cigarette Liquor Filters Beer Drinking

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“After the war, Prohibition was passed, and with liquor no longer legally available the nation plunged headlong into the Great Depression.”

War Humor Funny Nations Drink Humorous Wine Drinking Available Alcohol Liquor Prohibition Great Depression

Book:Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway

Source: Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway

“For toddlers I suggest leaving their mittens on year-round, indoors and out. That way they can't get into aspirin bottles, liquor cabinets, or boxes of kitchen matches.”

Way Years Children Humor Kids Funny Baby Humorous Leaving Rounds Boxes Kitchen Bottles Liquor Cabinets Toddler Aspirin Mittens

Book:The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig

Source: The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig

“When I finally embraced abstinence it was because of the simple urge to work a longer day. Thus, without joining Alcoholics Anonymous, I was at last able to leave Piss-Artists Notorious.”

Humor Able Funny Lasts Artist Simple Drink Humorous Wine Drinking Alcohol Urges Alcoholics Joining Liquor Abstinence Notorious Alcoholics Anonymous Longer Days

Book:Always Unreliable: Memoirs

Source: Always Unreliable: Memoirs

“If Charles Lindbergh, flying with no instruments other than a bologna sandwich, managed to cross the Atlantic and land safely on a runway completely covered with French people, why are today's airplanes, which are equipped with radar and computers and individualized liquor bottles, unable to cope with fog?”

People Ifs Humor Today Funny Land Food Computer Humorous Crosses Instruments Flying Covered Bottles Airplane Fog Sandwiches Airline Liquor Radar Runway Air Travel Bologna

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits