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Humour Quotes

Browse 4371 quotes about Humour.

Humour Quotes

“I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one? Oh, and could you pull a few weeds while you're here?”

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Book:Write like no one is reading

Source: Write like no one is reading

“If we were not impressed by job titles, suits, and jargon, we would demand that financial advisors show us their personal bank statements before they tell us what we could or should do with our own money.”

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Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to die.”

“In reality most human beings are not, to most human beings, more important than money.”

Source: The Use and Misuse of Children

“The least we each ought to do for someone who treats us like a king or a queen is to treat them like a prince or a princess.”

“Many obese people spend a significant amount of their energy on suppressing the urge to tell some of the people who are staring at them that they do not eat as much and as frequently as they seem to.”

Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“The world economy would collapse if a significant number of people were to realize and then act on the realization that it is possible to enjoy many if not most of the things that they enjoy without first having to own them.”

Source: The Use and Misuse of Children

“Many a parent, sad to say, has used their child as an opportunity for them, the parent, to do, through their child, something or some of the things that they, the parent, did not do or did not do successfully.”

Source: The Use and Misuse of Children

“Not a few millions of parents strongly hope that their own children will step in by instantly becoming their own parents’ foster parents, if and when the parents reach their second childhood.”

Source: The Use and Misuse of Children

“Patriotism is the narcissism of countries.”

Source: The Use and Misuse of Children

“In some cases, you can tell how somebody is being treated by their own boss from the way they are treating someone to whom they are a boss.”

“Many if not most slaves would have each readily jumped, and many if not most slaves would each readily jump, at the opportunity to be a master, if such an opportunity presents or had presented itself.”

Source: The Use and Misuse of Children

“Greed is a contagious mental illness without which civilization as we know it would not have been possible.”

Source: The Use and Misuse of Children

“Boredom is probably more frequent and more tormenting if you do not have sight or hands.”

“Millions of sane people would each be sexually attracted to their own parent or child if they were not related to them.”

“Adults who use big words in order to seem intelligent are annoying, especially those who are not intelligent.”

“Bigheadedness is usually a symptom of small-mindedness.”

“You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want to live forever.”

“If you didn't already know, game show talent works fewer days a year than almost every profession, except maybe members of Congress.”

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Book:Just a Typo: The Cancellation of Celebrity Mo Riverlake

Source: Just a Typo: The Cancellation of Celebrity Mo Riverlake

“Sam's phone buzzed. She fished it out of her pocket, checked the screen, and cursed. "I have to go." "You just got here." "Valkyrie business. Possible code three-eight-one: heroic death in progress." "You're making that up." "I'm not." "So...what, somebody thinks they're about to die and they text you 'Going down! Need Valkyrie ASAP!' followed by a bunch of sad-face emojis?”

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Book:The Hammer of Thor

Source: The Hammer of Thor

“I shot him a look. "That bouncer was really big." His lips quirked. "Oh, Kitten, see, I try not to say bad things." "What?" The grin spread. "I would say size doesn't matter but it does. I would know." he winked, and I let out a disgusted groan. He laughed.”

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Book:Opal

Source: Opal