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Humour Quotes

Browse 4371 quotes about Humour.

Humour Quotes

“Some men’s chests are more buttlike than some women’s butts.”

“Some people wish they were as happy as or happy like some people think they are.”

“After a certain point, all natural bodily changes are for the worst.”

“The only real reason that some relationships and marriages have not yet been ended is because in each case one of the partners has not yet found their ideal partner or someone they love or at least like.”

“To increase the chances of a writer trying to kill themselves, cut off their hands.”

“I do not have a problem with people killing themselves, as long as they took at least a hundred years to think about what they are about to do.”

“Unless it is you, finding out who your lover’s dream lover is is a nightmare.”

“Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.”

Source: 155 World's Funniest Yo Mama Dirty Jokes: Yo Mama Funny, Dirty, Filthy Joke Book For Adults - Uncensored edition

“Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.”

Source: 155 World's Funniest Chuck Norris Jokes And Facts: The Best And Funniest Kick-ass Facts About Roughest, Toughest, Deadliest, Sexiest & The Most Fearless ... The Legend

“Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.”

“Chuck Norris can divide by zero.”

“When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.”

“Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.”

“Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.”

“Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.”

Source: 155 World's Funniest YO MAMA Jokes

“Yo Mama’s so poor, when I lit her house on fire, the cockroaches came out singing, “Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got some heat!”

Source: 155 World's Funniest YO MAMA Jokes

“Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.”

Source: 155 World's Funniest Yo Mama Dirty Jokes: Yo Mama Funny, Dirty, Filthy Joke Book For Adults - Uncensored edition

“Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.”

Source: 155 World's Funniest Yo Mama Dirty Jokes: Yo Mama Funny, Dirty, Filthy Joke Book For Adults - Uncensored edition

“Yo Mama's so fat, her ass has its own congressman!”

Source: 155 World's Funniest Yo Mama Dirty Jokes: Yo Mama Funny, Dirty, Filthy Joke Book For Adults - Uncensored edition

“Chuck Norris CAN understand women.”

Source: 155 World's Funniest Chuck Norris Jokes And Facts: The Best And Funniest Kick-ass Facts About Roughest, Toughest, Deadliest, Sexiest & The Most Fearless ... The Legend

“For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.”

“Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.”

Source: 155 World's Funniest YO MAMA Jokes

“Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.”

Source: 155 World's Funniest YO MAMA Jokes

“Yo Mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white.”

Source: 155 World's Funniest YO MAMA Jokes

“Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.”

Source: 155 World's Funniest YO MAMA Jokes

“If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they'd still be brother and sister.”

Source: 155 World's Funniest Yo Mama Dirty Jokes: Yo Mama Funny, Dirty, Filthy Joke Book For Adults - Uncensored edition

“Yo Mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.”

Source: 155 World's Funniest Yo Mama Dirty Jokes: Yo Mama Funny, Dirty, Filthy Joke Book For Adults - Uncensored edition

“What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747? -About 20 pounds. -Yo mama carries more passengers. -Not everyone's been on a 747.”

“Most of us cling to life as if our existence were a result of our deed or choice.”

“Many millions of pregnancies—many if not most of which have each led to the birth of at least one child—were each used as nothing but a conspicuous means to a secret end called the evasion of abortion.”

Source: The Use and Misuse of Children

“More often than not, expecting to lose weight without first losing the diet that made the weight loss necessary is like expecting a pig to be spotless after hosing it down while it was still rolling in mud.”

Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Had a cold hummus with pita bread, Under a delicious food, yellow or red. Might just have the appetite to cook Urgent dinner by hook or crook. So that's just a humus humor spread.”

Humor Poetry Food Humour Jokes Humorous Words Dinner Bread Poems Puns Limerick Acrostic Humourous Situations Humour Quote Across Hummus Spreading Pita Humus

Book:ACross Tic

Source: ACross Tic

“That´s the problem with planning a late night supper after the opera, not only does the hero or the heroine die singing, but you end up famished after the last notes of the finale.”

Source: Brushstrokes of a Gadfly

“For someone so unwell, he seemed preposterously healthy.”

Funny Humour Health Humorous Illness Sickness

Book:The Spirit Engineer

Source: The Spirit Engineer

“All I have is me, myself and I and we are all getting really tired of each other.”

“You have a plaster on your head,’ my mother says. ‘Oh!’ I say, flushed with relief. ‘Yes. I walked into a table.’ ‘With your head?’ Ah. Good point. ‘Actually, it was a door.’ My mother smiles thinly. ‘Of course, it was.”

Humor Funny Family Humour Humorous Parenting Motherhood Mother And Son

Book:A Matter of Life and Death

Source: A Matter of Life and Death

“Where there's a will there are 500 relatives”

Humor Funny Family Humour Humorous Humourous Relatebale

Book:Hijab Wali ...the veiled girl

Source: Hijab Wali ...the veiled girl

“For a sane person to sincerely be happy that someone has succeeded, they have to either be profiting or likely to profit from that person’s success, or be that person.”

“A relationship is likely to last way longer, if each partner convinces or has convinced themselves that they do not deserve their partner, even if that is not true.”

“We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy.”

Humor Funny Pain Happiness Faces Joy Suffering Quotes Pleasure Grief Opinion Sadness Humour Sorrow Sad Despair Depression Jokes Humorous Blue Misery Satisfaction Delight Happy Unhappy Holes Impression Satisfied Miserable Well Being Bliss Heartache Enjoyment Contentment Satire Unhappiness Melancholy Ecstasy Aphorism Joyful Agony Distress Quotations Joke Anguish Woe Torment Cheerful Heartbroken Hilarious Pits Delighted Joyous Merry Sunny Aphorisms Gloom Cheerfulness Opinions Face Smiling Rapture Radiant Gloomy Depressed Ecstatic Tribulation Content Desolation Glee Hurting Broken Hearted Euphoria Joyfulness Grinning Jolly Sorrowful Down Wretchedness Carefree Exuberance Exhilaration Forlorn Aphorist Aphorists Elation Merriment Gaiety Despondency Hole Euphoric Malaise Morose Chagrin Impressions Despondent Dejected Blissful Blithe Overjoyed Exultant Lighthearted Jubilation Jovial Pit Despairing Doleful Contented Dejection Lightheartedness Mournful Pleased Downhearted Elated Beaming Buoyant Disconsolate Downcast The Blues Cheerless Gloominess Gratified Joviality Jumping For Joy On Top Of The World Untroubled Cheery Joyless Low Spirits Rapturous Woeful As Happy As A Clam Beatific Blissfulness Chirpy Dispirited Exhilarated Gleeful Glum In A Good Mood In Good Spirits In Seventh Heaven Jocular Jocund Jollity Jubilant Long Faced Mournfulness On A High On Cloud Nine Over The Moon Thrilled Tickled Pink Walking On Air Woebegone Dolefulness Down At The Mouth Down In The Dumps Down In The Mouth Glumness Good Spirits Lugubrious Transports Of Delight

Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily or only to increase our fathers’ chances of not being left by our mothers, or vice versa.”

Source: The Use and Misuse of Children

“A premature death does not only rob one of the countless instances where one would have experienced pleasure, it also saves one from the innumerable instances where one would have experienced pain.”

“Nothing is as irritating to a shy man as a confident girl.”

Men Trying Humor Funny Together Quotes Girl Can Do Courage Positive Humour Jokes Humorous Self Confidence Nervous Man Shy Satire Girls Retiring Annoying Aphorism Embarrassed Quotations Introvert Joke Insecure Hilarious Assured Boldness Embarrassment Self Conscious Reserved Aphorisms Cursed Shyness Self Consciousness Troublesome Irritating Confident Obnoxious Repressed Irritation Timidity Assertiveness Poise Introversion Introverted Tiresome Assertive Self Confident Aphorist Aphorists Self Reliant Self Assurance Lack Of Confidence Infuriating Mettle Diffidence Extrovert Aggravating Bashful Reticence Reserve Bashfulness Nerve Timid Withdrawn Annoy Self Assured Diffident Bothersome Irritate Phlegmatic Reticent Sheepish Phlegm Self Effacing Aplomb At Ease Imperturbable Maddening Mousy Self Possession Extroverted Inhibited Unperturbed Unruffled Coolheaded Coyness Farouche Galling Irksome Levelheaded Self Possessed Timorous Unconfident Vexing Demureness Exasperating Mousiness Nettlesome Pesky Poised Reservedness Sheepishness Timidness Timorousness Vexatious

Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“We love being mentally strong, but we hate situations that allow us to put our mental strength to good use.”

Want Problem Dream Humor Inspiration Funny Pain Motivation Suffering Quotes Strong Difficult Challenges Poverty Trouble Strength Inspire Humour Jokes Humorous Determination Patience Adversity Entrepreneur Misery Perseverance Trials Persistence Satire Endurance Resolve Resolution Hardship Keep Going Need Problems Dreamer Aphorism Never Give Up Persist Distress Quotations Affliction Joke Stoicism Hilarious Challenge Persevere Tenacity Aphorisms Motivate Difficulties Deprivation Tribulation Stubbornness Startup Stamina Startups Stoic Suffer Trials And Tribulations Give Up Firmness Hardships Wretchedness Follow Through Dreamers Stand Firm Austerity Entrepreneurs Misfortune Mental Strength Obstinacy Aphorist Aphorists Steadfastness Trial Hang In There Hold On Staying Power Continue Neediness Purposefulness Carry On Venture Capitalists Press On Tribulations Hang On Go On Mentally Strong Stoics Doggedness Destitution Stay The Course Venture Capitalist Intransigence Be Determined Be Persistent Keep On Privation Dire Straits Penury Keep At It Pertinacity Go The Distance Impecuniousness Indefatigability Resoluteness Strength Of Purpose Tirelessness Be Tenacious Hammer Away Leave No Stone Unturned Not Take No For An Answer Obduracy Plod On Plug Away Press Ahead Soldier On Stand Fast Staunchness Stick It Out Stop At Nothing Struggle On Travails

Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“The most upsetting thing about Society’s attitude towards disabled people is that many millions of disabled people became disabled while trying to please Society, the very same bitch that secretly regards them as subhuman.”

Source: The Use and Misuse of Children

“Life is a process during which one initially gets less and less dependent, independent, and then more and more dependent.”

Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Most sane human beings who are over the age of six usually act or react not as per what they genuinely feel or really think but in accordance with the expectations of those around them.”

Source: The Use and Misuse of Children

“Every single person is a fool, insane, a failure, or a bad person to at least ten people.”

Humor Funny Quotes Crazy Stupid Humour Failure Fool Jokes Humorous Mad Disappointment Foolish Silly Ass Insane Dumb Idiot Insanity Satire Loser Nuts Thick Aphorism Quotations Joke Bad Hilarious Nerd Zombie Reckless Fail Disturbed Aphorisms Bad People Jerk Cracked Bananas Dope Unstable Moron Mindless Psycho Psychotic Sap Idiotic Donkey Unwise Schizophrenic Mentally Ill Crackers Aphorist Aphorists Deranged Dummy Demented Dork Unbalanced Unintelligent Daft Foolhardy Turkey Brainless Thoughtless Around The Bend Dim Bad Person Goat Dumb Ass Dumbo Imbecile Loco Bonkers Boob Cuckoo Unhinged Crazed Ignoramus Write Off Dunce Loony Simpleton Airhead Batty Blockhead Bozo Certifiable Dimwitted Dolt Goon Imprudent Loopy Mad As A Hatter Nincompoop Non Compos Mentis Not All There Rash Wacko Witless Bushed Clod Cretin Goof Halfwitted Impolitic Mentally Disordered Of Unsound Mind Schmuck Screwy Stark Raving Mad Birdbrain Buggy Chowderhead Chowderheaded Chump Coot Crack Brained Crackpot Dead Loss Dimwit Dingbat Dipstick Ditz Dud Dullard Dumb Cluck Dumbhead Dumdum Dunderhead Fathead Flake Galoot Goober Goofball Goofus Half Baked Halfwit Harebrained Ill Advised Ill Considered Incautious Informal No Hoper Injudicious Jughead Klutz Lamebrain Lummox Meatball Ninny Nitwit Numbnuts Numbskull Pea Brained Peabrain Putz Schlemiel Schlep Thickhead Twerp Twit Underachiever Wooden Headed

Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Some people will hate you for not loving them.”

“We are way less likely to love someone just because they love us than we are to hate someone just because they hate us.”