Best humour & humorous Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings Page 2

“Not everyone who talks less or keeps quiet whenever they are with or around you does that because they find you interesting or knowledgeable; some people do that because they find you boring or ignorant.”

“We think we like or love some people until we see them regularly.”

“Whenever He answers prayers, God usually prioritizes those by people who, instead of their mouths, have prayed with their hands and/or feet.”

“As we all know, as if forever exploiting or attempting to exploit each other were not enough, a group of sane human beings who have just reached the end of a war against a common enemy of theirs will sooner or later start or continue killing and/or fighting against each other.”

Source: The Use and Misuse of Children

“Most human beings strongly believe that money is way less important than the life of a human being, but in reality five hundred, fifty, or even five dollars are way more important to the lives of most human beings than the lives of most human beings.”

“Most human beings would have never been pained by the death of a human being if they had never seen a human being or pretending to be pained by that.”

“As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life: ~people applaud you incessantly. ~love you more than their parents. ~give you a daily bread.”

Humor Comedy Humour Humorous Madness Praise Comedian Applause Exaggeration Michael Bassey Johnson Lovesick Gag

Author:Michael Bassey Johnson

“Most people do not mind having a house that is smaller and/or a car that is cheaper than their neighbours’, as long as they each earn and have more money than their neighbours, and, equally important, their neighbours know that.”

“We, in the interest of the so-called progress, have been persuaded to leave the production and at times the cooking of our food to companies whose owners and employees make a living by exploiting our busyness or laziness and our innate hunger to continue living.”

Source: The Use and Misuse of Children

“Some people would have killed themselves and/or someone else if they were single; and some people would not have done that.”

“Most women sell sex; most of them just don’t take cash (nor do they each sell to more than one ‘client’ at a time).”

“There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it.”

“Some men are dogs; some dogs are women.”

“Because he has finally realized that it is it and not him that is loved by the woman he loves, many a man is jealous of his own car, house, wardrobe, or salary.”

“Some people love but will never marry each other. Some are married to but have never loved and will never love each other.”

“Some people would not be dead if they have not gotten the things or people they had prayed for.”

“Loneliness tortures many if not most of the elderly more intensely and more frequently than it torments many if not most of us who will never be or have not yet been pushed or pulled into old age.”

Source: The Use and Misuse of Children

“Most men would no longer enjoy conversing with most women if they stopped bringing their vaginas along.”

“Gentlemen do not carry a cane or a hat? No gloves?” “Gentleman may still wear them, but I’m afraid the problem is that there aren’t many left.”

Men Love Humor Humour Humorous Men And Women Romantic Comedy Women And Men

Book:I Wish for You

Source: I Wish for You

“Looking but not seeing is the hearing but not understanding of the eye.”

“It is still cheating, even if nobody comes.”

“When you are suffering from sexual starvation, a spank or even a hug seems like a porn scene.”

“One of the most common and most dangerous misbeliefs is that it is impossible for someone to be stupid just because they are a doctor or a lawyer.”

“There probably was a time when the idea of having a toilet inside a house was repulsive.”

“An arrogant man whose arrogance we see from his own behaviour is more tolerable than a humble man whose humility we hear of from his own mouth.”

“Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead.”

Humor Funny Missing Humour Jokes Humorous Satire Aphorism Joke Exes Hilarious Aphorisms Aphorist Aphorists Miss Ex Wife Ex Ex Husband Ex Lover Long For Ex Partner

Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers.”

“There would be fewer absent fathers, if straight men were turned on only by women with whom they would not mind having children.”

“Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate.”

Humor Funny Humour Jokes Humorous Satire Aphorism Joke Hilarious Aphorisms Masturbation Aphorist Aphorists Self Abuse Masturbate Wanker Wanking Wank

Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in which they have just defecated than eat inside one in which someone else has just farted, even if the room does not have a toilet.”

“Some people wouldn’t still be sane, if they were not religious or superstitious; some wouldn’t be disabled or dead.”

“Some people are each envious of the person they used to be.”

“A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water.”

“Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.”

Humor Funny Prayer Humour Jokes Humorous Satire Cherish Aphorism Joke Hilarious Aphorisms Prayers Downfall Answered Prayers Aphorist Aphorists Answered Prayer Perish

Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Thanks to bad graphic design, some readers love only the electronic version of some books.”

“Some people would not have remained with their partners, if the unfortunate things that have happened to them had happened to their partners, or if the fortunate things that have happened to their partners had happened to them.”

“Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them.”

“We would not be ashamed of doing some of the things we do in private, if the number of sane human beings who do them in public were large enough.”

“Whenever they are condemning weaves or breast implants, some people speak so passionately that their false teeth almost fall out.”

“Even the world’s greatest actor cannot fake an erection.”

“Death would not surprise us as often as it does, if we let go of the misbelief that newborns are less mortal than the elderly.”

“Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder.”

“We are sometimes depressed by our failure to convince people who strongly believe that we are that we are definitely not depressed.”

“He with the cleanest clothes isn’t necessarily the cleanest.”

“Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive, if they had managed to sleep with some of the women with whom they want or wanted to have sex.”

“Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded.”

“Some disabled people spend a significant amount of their energy on trying to come across as abled or as not that disabled.”

“Most people who are would each not be in love with their partner, if they did not have the kind of genitals they have.”

“We have glorified wealth and freedom so much that it is impossible for most of us to truly believe that a man can truly be happy in a shack or within the confines of a prison cell.”

“Some people do not really hate aging; they merely love the colour black.”

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