Quotessence
Home / Authors / Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quotes

Column Author

Filter quotes by topic

AllChildrenFunnyIfsMotherKidsHumorHumorousLiteratureKnowsFood

Famous Erma Bombeck Quotes

“The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to drop?”

I CanCrazyShoesHandleGood TimesBad TimesDrive Me Crazy
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
Create image

“Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.”

HomeDesireInterestBornLandMinutesMovementReturnRootsYesterdayAcquireSheerFifteenSyndromesAntiquesNewnessSettlers
Book:The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
Create image

“I was a closet pacifier advocate. So were most of my friends. Unknown to our mothers, we owned thirty or forty of those little suckers that were placed strategically around the house so a cry could be silenced in less than thirty seconds. Even though bottles were boiled, rooms disinfected, and germs fought one on one, no one seemed to care where the pacifier had been.”

LittlesCareMotherHouseRoomsCryMy FriendsThirtyFortyBottlesSecondsClosetsSuckerGermsOne On OnePacifiers
Book:Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession
Create image

“I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.”

EnoughKidsSchoolMotherGivenFeltBornToo MuchReadyBabyBirthHusbandShotsWake UpBreatheHipsEnough TimeMy BabyYour HusbandNot Enough Time
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
Create image

“I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of "go out and fulfill your dreams" and "be everything you were meant to be." But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.”

KnowsWantLongHas BeensRealUseHomeDreamLawMotherGamesMovementLong TimeDaughterRaisesYour DreamsMeant To BeGrandchildrenIn-lawsTokensWere Meant To BeAmbivalentDaughter In Law
Author:Erma Bombeck
Create image

“Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience.”

WorldAgePoliticalReligiousLevelsEconomicMoralityMotherhoodProfessionBackgroundsHeightCitizenshipPreferenceConvenienceAffiliationEthnic Background
Book:Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession
Create image

“It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.”

TodayJobsExistenceTrainingProgramMotherhoodJob TrainingTraining Programs
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
Create image

“With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.”

KnowsTryingBoysPathAirWasteFruitStationsBusBedroomHurricanesCleanersHoveringWhere You StandHamstersRestroomFruit Flies
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
Create image

“Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up.”

WorldTryingLooksLittlesKidsMovingDoubtRocksPaperEatingMouthsCatBallsSundayPensCigaretteMudSuspiciousPuppyBeefStewCrayonDinersGoldfishLittle BeeCat Food
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
Create image

“When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.”

ChildrenParentMoneyWrittenTenGuiltRefuse
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
Create image