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Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quotes

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Famous Erma Bombeck Quotes

“If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.”

IfsChildrenHumorHandsEyeKidsFunnyHairBabyHumorousRaisedMy ChildrenWipeAttorney
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.”

ChildrenHumorKidsFunnyFacesBabyHumorousGlassesSpit
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States.”

ChildrenStatesMotherPresidentUnitedUnited StatesGoneEmptyVicesPassingTeethPassingsUpsetMourningRetirementBottlesWetShowersSpectatorsNestsDrainsVice PresidentTowelsShampooSupervisorsEmpty Nest
Author:Erma Bombeck
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“The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.”

NeedsBelieveChildrenArtMadeMomentsMotherSexDecisionMistakeAnxietyGainsFunctionMotherhoodEngagedMaking MistakesCrucialBad Decision
Book:Four of a Kind: A Suburban Field Guide
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“Mothers are not the nameless, faceless stereotypes who appear once a year on a greeting card with their virtues set to prose, but women who have been dealt a hand for life and play each card one at a time the best way they know how. No mother is all good or all bad, all laughing or all serious, all loving or all angry. Ambivalence rushes through their veins.”

KnowsWayYearsHas BeensPlayHandsMotherLaughingKnow HowVirtueSeriousAngryBest WayCardsProseStereotypeVeinsGreetingsNamelessAmbivalenceFacelessGreeting Card
Author:Erma Bombeck
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“I have finally mastered what to do with the second tennis ball. Having small hands, I was becoming terribly self-conscious about keeping it in a can in the car while I served the first one. I noted some women tucked the second ball just inside the elastic leg of their tennis panties. I tried, but found the space already occupied by a leg. Now, I simply drop the second ball down my cleavage, giving me a chest that often stuns my opponent throughout an entire set.”

GivingFirstsSelfHandsFoundSpaceCarBecomingConsciousBallsLegsOpponentsTennisChestsSelf ConsciousPantiesCleavageTennis BallsSmall Hands
Book:If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?
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