“Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.”
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Famous Woody Allen Quotes
“I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.”
“Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.”
“The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.”
“I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.”
“When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.”
“Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.”
“Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.”
“Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.”
“Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?”
Source: The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose
“In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.”
“I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.”
“If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.”
Source: Woody Allen: Interviews
“He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.”
“I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.”
“When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.”
“My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.”
“It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.”
Source: Mere Anarchy
Source: Mere Anarchy
Source: Annie Hall: scénario bilingue
“Marriage is the death of hope.”
Source: Three One-Act Plays: Riverside Drive Old Saybrook Central Park West
“Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.”
“Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.”
“Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.”
“I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.”
“All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.”
“I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?”
“I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.”
“Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.”