Best Comedian Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings Page 10

“Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters - all of whom are late night comedians.”

Running Night President Trump Late News Comedian Supporter Late Night

Author:Conan O'Brien

“I always think everyone else is funnier than me. I look at other comedians and I say, 'I wish I was that good.' People think I'm funny, and I say, 'I'm not.'”

People Thinking Looks Wish Comedian Good People

Author:Carrot Top

“When I was younger I always thought, 'If I were ever a comedian I'd make it like a rock concert.' I wanted to generate that type of enthusiasm and excitement.”

Ifs Wanted Rocks Type Enthusiasm Comedian Excitement Concerts Rock Concerts

Author:Carrot Top

“My whole thing is to entertain, make people laugh and to forget about the real world for awhile.”

People World Real Whole Reality Fun Forget Laughing Comedy Laughter Entertainment Comedian Real World Entertainers Making People Laugh

Author:Dan Aykroyd

“I don't think I was awake for much of my childhood. I did a lot of napping. This might have been a defensive measure against encroaching depression. Until about the age of eleven or twelve, I had zero interests other than trying to steal gumballs from supermarket gumball machines.”

“Will Rogers used to say he wouldn't run for president no matter how badly the country needed a comedian.”

Country Matter Running Used President Needed Comedian Roger

Author:Will Rogers

“I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.”

People Ifs Jobs Laughing Comedian Entertainers Making People Laugh Commentators

Author:Johnny Carson

“The mother-in-laws themselves weren't natural jokes but most comedians used to use that.”

Use Law Used Mother Natural Jokes Comedian In-laws Mother In Law

Author:Allen Toussaint

“I try to be personal, but that's not me, either. What seems to work best, and the tweets I enjoy reading the most, are when comedians just give jokes. It's a great joke of the day thing, especially revolving around current events. But that's not my forte either, so I find myself in no man's land with Twitter. I don't particularly enjoy giving me out to everyone.”

Men Giving Trying Seems Reading Enjoy Land Events Jokes Currents Comedian Tweet Revolving Current Events Forte

Author:John Cho

“One of the problems I see with these comics on television, particularly cable television, is, since you can say anything in terms of sex and scatological references and so on, therefore, you should do it. So they all limit themselves to these subjects and this vocabulary. My objection is that it is a lack of articulateness. Irreverence is easy, but what is hard is wit. Wit is what these comedians lack.”

Should Hard Problem Sex Easy Term Subjects Television Limits Wit Comedian Say Anything Vocabulary Cables Objections Irreverence

Author:Tom Lehrer

“Only black people in the whole neighborhood, so let's break it down: Me, I'm a decent comedian, I'm a'ight. Mary J. Blige, one of the greatest R&B singers to ever walk the Earth. Jay-Z, one of the greatest rappers to ever live. Eddie Murphy, one of the funniest actors to ever, ever do it. Do you know what the white man that lives next door to me does for a living? He's a f*****g dentist.”

“People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.”

People Ifs Life Country Funny Freedom Comedian Doings Free Country

Author:Demetri Martin

“Those who say that Serena isn't serious about tennis; she wants to go Hollywood. That's true, about Hollywood. I would love to get a lot of acting gigs. But you wouldn't believe the stuff I've turned down because of my tournament schedule...I would do well beside (comedian) Chris Tucker.”

Want Believe Wells Stuff Acting Serious Hollywood Comedian Tennis Schedules Gigs Tournaments Turned Down

Author:Serena Williams

“As comedians, we have the opportunity to convey a message that will have an effect. The best can make you laugh and cry, the way musicians and actors can.”

Way Actors Opportunity Laughing Effects Cry Messages Musician Comedian Make You Laugh

Author:Jay Pharoah

“Eddie Murphy is to comedians what Nicki Minaj is to Spanx.”

Comedian Murphy Spanx

Author:Chris Rock

“For me, comedians are like the epitome for everything great, and they terrify me. I just want to be them. I want to be like them.”

Want Comedian Epitome

Author:Tatiana Maslany

“I've seen comedians make people laugh by being either really dark and sad and touching, or really strange and bizarre and creepy. You can take the format and do whatever you want with it, and that seemed interesting to me.”

People Want Dark Interesting Laughing Strange Comedian Touching Bizarre Creepy Making People Laugh Format Do Whatever You Want

Author:Amy Seimetz

“I knew I wanted to be a performer and do comedy at 5 years old. My dad's wife, Marlene Rosenbaum, was boiling water and she goes, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I said, "A comedian." And she laughed and laughed because she thought that was the cutest, funniest thing.”

Want Years Said Wanted Grows Water Growing Up Comedy Wife Dad My Dad Comedian Performers Laughed Boiling Cutest Boiling Water

Author:Sandra Bernhard

“I think comedians should focus on what makes them happy, what art form fulfills them the most. Don't be calculated about it and say, 'Okay, I'm gonna tweet, and I'm gonna podcast, and I'm gonna do standup, and one of those things is going to lead me to my own TV show.' I don't think that should be the goal.”

Thinking Should Art Shows Form Goal My Own Focus Tvs Okay Comedian Tv Shows Tweet Leading Me

Author:Scott Aukerman

“If you're trying to cast the widest possible net to attract the largest selection of men or women, the last thing you should do is to start listing your income, political views, and the like. Avoid mentioning specific comedians, shows, or movies unless those are top-tier attributes on your list.”

Ifs Men Should Trying Shows Lasts Political Views Casts Lists Income Comedian Attributes Selection Political View

Author:Amy Webb

“I'm a comedian who happens to be Latino. What's the difference? The difference is, my special will air on Comedy Central, not Telemundo.”

Happens Differences Comedy Air Special Comedian Latino

Author:Gabriel Iglesias

“There's this other world where all comedians want to do is make funny videos. Typically what's happened in the past is that a comedian gets a standup career and over the course of 20 years builds it up to the point where Comedy Central gives them a sketch show.”

World Want Giving Years Shows Past Courses Careers Comedy Happened Video Comedian Other Worlds Funny Videos

Author:Gavin McInnes

“I find comedians to be the biggest cocksuckers, because they don't want people to know how easy it is.”

People Knows Want Easy Know How Comedian

Author:Gavin McInnes

“They're the darkest people I know, comedians.”

People Knows Comedian

Author:Jake Gyllenhaal

“I come from the stage. I started my career as a stand-up comedian and then later on became an actor.”

Actors Careers Stage Comedian Stand Up Comedian

Author:Patrick Huard

“I think most comedians go through that (period), where you have to change or evolve. You don't want to just keep doing variations on the same themes. And, besides, it would look kinda creepy for a guy my age to be doing stuff that, like, a 20-year-old would do. 'Yeah, this is bullshit!' It's, like, 'Really? You don't have bigger concerns at this point in your life?'”

Thinking Want Years Looks Age Guy Stuff Periods Concern Bigger Yeah Evolve Comedian Theme Bullshit Variation Creepy

Author:Patton Oswalt

“I don't really consider myself to be a comedian. I mean, it's not like I'm sitting around writing jokes or anything. I just like dressing up and pretending to be other people.”

People Writing Mean Jokes Sitting Comedian Pretending Dressings Sitting Around Dressing Up

Author:Amy Sedaris

“Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that's why his last wife left him.”

Lasts America Night Left Millions Wife Comedian Every Night Bedroom

Author:Dean Martin

“By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”

Honesty Policy Comedian Dishonesty Elimination Second Best Honesty Is The Best Policy Funny Comedian

Book:Brain Droppings

Source: Brain Droppings

“We [me and my husband] both had our things. Seth was the artist, I was the singer. We were like "You do your thing, I'll do my thing and never the two shall meet." I think we had a healthy competition going through our childhood. But I sort of left the funny stuff to him, I said "You're the comedian, you're the jokester, you do that I'll be the more serious one." You need that kind of balance in the family.”

Thinking Needs Kind Said Two Artist Left Stuff Childhood Serious Like You Balance Healthy Husband Our Children Competition Singers Comedian My Husband Funny Stuff Healthy Competition

Author:Rachael MacFarlane

“I'm not a comedian. I'm what you call a good, old-fashioned working actor who has had delusions of grandeur for my entire career and has known what I want to do.”

Want Actors Known Careers Comedian Delusion Old Fashioned Grandeur Delusions Of Grandeur

Author:Chris Diamantopoulos

“Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.”

People Knows Want Shows Asks Stuff Events Tvs Involved Comedian Ask Me Host Tv Shows Get Involved Stand Up Comedian

Author:Chelsea Handler

“Every group needs a comedian. A comic who is politically incorrect at the Berkeley campus might slay them at a Klan rally.”

Needs Might Groups Comic Comedian Campus Berkeley

Author:Lenny Bruce

“Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.”

Stealing Comedian

Author:W. C. Fields

“If you go down as a comedian's comedian, that's basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you're doing okay.”

Ifs Feelings Okay Hopefully Comedian

Author:Eddie Izzard

“I mean, sometimes... a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don't deliver, because the bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of acting is to be truthful, and they get that mixed up sometimes, or don't even notice that that's the thing.”

Mean Sometimes Actors Lines Acting Comedy Bottom Comedian Truthful Bottom Line Being Truthful

Author:Eddie Izzard

“Comedians have to write to survive because you don't get cast for your beauty.”

Writing Casts Comedian

Author:Sally Phillips

“Our good time is sitting in a coffee shop with a newspaper, writing a line on the back of a napkin. That is the most fun comedians ever have”

Writing Fun Lines Sitting Coffee Newspapers Comedian Shops Good Times Coffee Shop Napkins

Author:Jerry Seinfeld

“I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.”

Knows Bigs Growing Up Comedy Growing My Friends Comedian Nerd

Author:Demetri Martin

“Racial humor was about 35% of my act when I first started. But I realized that it was a crutch. What brought it home was when another comedian said to me, 'If you changed color tomorrow, you wouldn't have any material.' He meant it as a put-down, but I took it as a challenge.”

Ifs Firsts Said Home Challenges Changed Color Materials Tomorrow I Realized Comedian Crutches You Changed

Author:Bill Cosby

“Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.”

Audience Laughing Comedian

Author:George Carlin

“Before I was a comedian, I thought the coolest thing that would happen to me was being a teenager... Boy, was I wrong!”

Happens Boys Teenager Comedian

Author:Chris Rock

“I'm a rap comedian the same way Bill Cosby is a jazz comedian, Cosby's laid back. I'm like, bang, bang bang, right into it.”

Way Bills Jazz Rap Comedian Bangs Laid Back

Author:Chris Rock

“Every comedian has a moment in his life when he realizes he's a little bit different from everyone else. It's like being the only guy in a movie who sees the ghost. The ghost talks to you and you talk to him. Then you turn to your friend and say, "Hey. Do you see that ghost? And he says, What ghost?"”

Littles Different Moments Guy Turns Bits Realizing Little Bit Ghost Hey Comedian

Author:Chris Rock

“Nobody really wants to be a stand-up, they want to get on TV.”

Want Tvs Comedian

Author:Chris Rock

“The best part is just having a partner. There is no real worst part. I'm not going to say there's a worst part. I mean I'm a comedian - comedians like to work alone. So maybe I'm not the ideal guy to be married to, in that sense.”

Mean Real Guy Worst Married Ideals Partners Comedian Being Married

Author:Chris Rock

“I never wanted to churn it out. Comedians tend to work all the time. They never put it down like musicians who might make an album then take three or four years off to recharge their batteries. Comedians tend to work straight through and they get stale because of that. Even when I didn't have a lot of money I never ever did it unless I had something new to say.”

Years Might Wanted Three Four Musician Albums Comedian Something New Four Years Lots Of Money Stale Batteries

Author:Chris Rock

“I like the tradition of the Oscars. I like that some of the greatest comedians ever have hosted the show.”

Shows Tradition Comedian Oscars

Author:Chris Rock

“Well, anybody can be a straight man if he hears well. You just have to wait for laughs. A straight man just repeats the questions and the comedian gets the laughs and you just wait for them and don't let them die completely at the tail end of the laugh.”

Ifs Men Wells Ends Dies Waiting Laughing Comedian Repeats Tails

Author:George Burns

“For a long time I thought I knew for sure who I was. I grew up in New Orleans and became a comedian. And there was everything that came along with that. The nightclubs. The smoking. The drinking. Then I turned 13.”

Long Grew Grew Up Long Time Drinking Comedian Smoking New Orleans Nightclubs

Author:Ellen DeGeneres

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