Best Comedian Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings Page 24

“When a man carries a gun all the time, the respect he thinks he's getting might really be fear. So I don't carry a gun because I don't want the people of Mayberry to fear a gun. I'd rather they respect me.”

People Thinking Men Want Might Fear Weapons Respect Gun Comedian Carrie Respect Me Mayberry

Author:Andy Griffith

“So I watched the Pink Panther last night, and so I'm trying desperately to be funny, and then it's just not working out so good... I wonder if maybe I could've been a comedian or something like that, or maybe I could've been a doctor, then I wouldn't have to make anyone laugh.”

Ifs Trying Lasts Night Wonder Laughing Doctors Work Out Comedian Last Night Panthers Pink Panther

Author:Dave Matthews

“Comedians... they're different from actors. There's more ego there. They create the whole thing, I guess, so they're more precious.”

Different Whole Actors Ego Comedian

Author:Sharon Horgan

“The average comedian is kind of an observer looking at everyday things that everyone could relate to and then trying to find the exaggeration in those things.”

Trying Kind Everyday Average Relate Comedian Observers Exaggeration Everyday Things Exaggeration Is

Author:Aries Spears

“Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.”

“I just like observing people - it's something I've done ever since I was a kid, and I got really good at it. That's a big part of why I became a comedian. My audience is filled with every kind of person you can imagine, and I love that.”

People Kind Persons Done Bigs Kids Audience Imagine Filled Comedian Observing

Author:Ellen DeGeneres

“I've been trying to find women writers for my staff for a while now and I have three women on my staff and three guys so it's pretty equal. I don't know why that is. It's been the same thing for a while. It's hard for female comedians to stand out. That's weird. That's a shame.”

Knows Trying Hard Guy Three Equal Female Shame Comedian Staff Standing Out Female Comedian

Author:Ellen DeGeneres

“I love mixing with comedians when I'm working with them, but when I'm not I don't feel the need to hang around with them.”

Needs Feels Comedian Mixing

Author:Jack Dee

“I didn't become a comedian to work this hard.”

Hard Comedian

Author:Chelsea Handler

“Male comics are always coming up to me and they're like 'Hey Natasha. Don't you think you're a little attractive to be a comedian?' and I'm like 'Don't you think you're a little ugly to be talking to me?'”

Thinking Littles Humor Funny Talking Males Ugly Hey Comedian Attractive Natasha

Author:Natasha Leggero

“Dad made me laugh a lot. He was a real comedian. He had a real sarcastic sense of humour, he could really make a fool out of people. I have to watch it a little bit, because I caught that habit from him. I was really fond of him. He was my idol.”

People Littles Made Real Bits Watches Laughing Humour Fool Habit Dad Little Bit Caught Comedian Sarcastic Idols

Author:Julian Lennon

“I mean, I understand that Scrubs was my big break, but sooner or later you have to move on. I've already directed a movie, which received very good reviews, so it just seems much more important to me now. I feel that in order to better foster my creativity as an actor and director at this point, I need to be surrounded by other talented, artistic individuals, instead of just goofy comedians.”

Needs Feels Mean Important Bigs Seems Moving Order Actors Individual Break Creativity Directors Very Good Artistic Comedian Reviews Sooner Or Later Goofy

Author:Zach Braff

“Running is special. We've all done it: well, poorly, focused, in fear, being pursued, toward a goal. It's just elemental. Running is like fire.”

Wells Done Running Funny Fear Goal Fire Special Focused Comedian Pursued Motivational Running Elementals Funny Running

Author:Rob Delaney

“If Jay spent as much time studying as he does trying to be a comedian, he'd be a big star.”

Ifs Trying Doe Bigs Time Stars Study Comedian

Author:Jay Leno

“Whatever talent I had, I'm sure it helped that my parents were in the business and that I grew up around actors, comedians and directors.”

Actors Parent Comedy Talent Grew Directors Grew Up Comedian

Author:Ben Stiller

“I do a lot of Vegas work and work with the comedians.”

Comedian Vegas Las Vegas

Author:Ben E. King

“I think the more the actor lets you know what he thinks of the character, the less the audience cares - like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes.”

Thinking Knows Character Care Actors Audience Laughing Jokes Comedian

Author:Neil LaBute

“The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .”

Firsts Doe States Laughing Laughter Comedian Verify

Author:W. C. Fields

“If you put your foot in it, be sure it's your best foot.”

Ifs Inspirational Success Feet Succeed Dancing Actresses Singers Comedian Key To Success Road To Success Playwright Recipe For Success Screenwriters Give 100 Percent Give It All You Got

Book:The wit and wisdom of Mae West

Source: The wit and wisdom of Mae West

“Nerd. One whose unbridled passion for something defines who they are as a person, without fear of other people's judgment.”

People Persons Passion Judgment Comedian Nerd Geek Nerdy Nerdiness Burning Passion Unbridled Passion

Author:Zachary Levi

“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.”

“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”

“Chihuahua. There's a waste of dog food. Looks like a dog that is still far away.”

Looks Stills Dog Waste Comedian Far Away Chihuahua Funny Comedian Dog Food

Author:Billiam Coronel

“Your dream has to be bigger than your fear.”

Inspirational Dream Desire Wish Fear Bigger Producers Comedian Your Dreams Host Follow Your Dreams No Fear Overcoming Fear Chase Your Dreams Dreams Do Come True Harvey Fear None

Author:Steve Harvey

“A jazz musician is a combination orator, dialectician, mathematician, athlete, entertainer, poet, singer, dancer, diplomat, educator, student, comedian, artist, seducer, public masturbator, and general all-round good fellow.”

Artist Students Poet Musician Fellows Jazz Rounds Athlete Singers Combination Comedian Dancer Mathematician Jazz Music Entertainers Educator Diplomats Jazz Musician Orators

Author:Steve Lacy

“Phyllis Diller came through a mine field of male comedians when she arrived on the comedy scene and she defused them all. She won her place in the Hall of Comedy as the First Lady. I will miss her.”

Firsts Comedy Missing Fields Mines Scene Males Comedian Halls First Lady

Author:Tim Conway

“I think humor is important for all of us, and a great comedian is a great treasure.”

Thinking Important Treasure Comedian

Author:Leila Josefowicz

“The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.”

Persons Funny Lasts Political Jesus Baby Republican Comedian Homeless Funny Political Baby Jesus

Author:Andy Borowitz

“Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'”

Bigs Government Funny Next Answers Comedian Mars Next Time Big Government Funny Political

Author:Andy Borowitz

“All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.”

Funny Independence Passing Passings Comedian Mourning Declaration Mourn Declaration Of Independence Founding Fathers Democracy Funny Political

Author:Andy Borowitz

“As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.”

Believe Funny Understanding President Evolution Politician Republican Don't Believe Comedian Romney Stupid People Abraham Narrow-minded Ignorant People Funny Political Theodore

Author:Andy Borowitz

“On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.”

People Government Funny Political Celebrate Comedian Corporations Usa Satire 4th Of July July Anniversary Funny Political July 4 Anti Government

Author:Andy Borowitz

“It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.”

Would Be School Funny Political Politics Money Nice Needed Right Now Spending Billions Advertising Comedian Ads Being Nice Funny Political Anti Political

Author:Andy Borowitz

“Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.”

Ifs Thinking Would Be Easy Attention Weapons Gun Medicine Medical Comedian Call Me Dreamer

Author:Andy Borowitz

“Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.”

Funny Secret Roles Congress Comedian Usa Legislature Furious Secret Service Funny Political

Author:Andy Borowitz

“Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'”

Home Mom Hardest Comedian Staying Romney Being A Mom Stay At Home Stay At Home Mom

Author:Andy Borowitz

“Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.”

Running Funny Political President Politician Republican Decided Quitting Comedian Palin Funny Political Career Politicians

Author:Andy Borowitz

“Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.”

Funny Lasts Political Week Fool Republican Excited Comedian Candidates Stupid People Moron Funny Political

Author:Andy Borowitz

“It's good to be funny when you are a comedian.”

Comedian

Author:George Lindsey

“I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me.”

Moving News Moved Boxes Comedian

Author:Jon Stewart

“I keep going because if you stop, you stop. Why retire? Inspire.”

Ifs Inspirational Inspire Comedian Moving On Keep Going Retirement Retiring Stopping

Author:Mickey Rooney

“There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.”

Running Funny Dies Comedy Comedian Jail Happy Endings Cocaine

Author:Sam Kinison

“Catch Fire, Do Something, Get Excited by Finding Your Purpose In Life.”

Life Purpose Fire Inspirational Life Findings Excited African American Comedian Purpose Of Life Catching Fire Your Purpose In Life

Author:Steve Harvey

“You never know what's around the corner unless you peek. Hold someone's hand while you do it. You will feel less scared.”

“You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.”

“Don't censor yourself to comfort their ignorance.”

Ignorance Comfort Comedian Censorship Comforting Ignorant People

Author:Jon Stewart

“Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be.”

“Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business.”

Ifs Knows Should Law Knowing Rights Crime Criminals Comedian Murderer

Author:Pat Paulsen

“Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.”

People Funny Humorous Russia Comedian

Book:America on six rubles a day

Source: America on six rubles a day

“When it comes to English stand-up comedy, Indians have only seen the best - Jerry Seinfeld, Bill Cosby and the like. So, when someone claims to be an English stand-up comedian in India, he'd better be very good if he's going to make a life of it.”

Ifs Comedy India Claims Bills Very Good Comedian Jerry Stand Up Comedy Stand Up Comedian

Author:Vir Das

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Comedian Quotes