Best Comedian Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings Page 11

“I want to have fun. Life ain't no dress rehearsal. I want to have fun. I'm a comedian; I ain't no politician. So everything I do is with humor, with love.”

Want Fun Politician Dresses Comedian Having Fun Rehearsal Fun Life

Author:Bernie Mac

“Comedians don`t get Oscars, so I gave up on that a long time ago. And I can`t really speak about the Oscar-worthiness of my own performance.”

Long I Can Speak My Own Long Time Performances Comedian Oscars Long Time Ago Gave Up Worthiness

Author:Steve Martin

“If you can't write your own material, you have very little chance of making it as a comedian.”

Ifs Writing Littles Chance Materials Comedian Write Your Own

Book:It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs

Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs

“That's what it's like to be a comedian. You basically stand and stare at the world and hope it craps out cause that's a good year for you. So that's not a pleasant feeling.”

World Years Feelings Causes Comedian Staring Pleasant Crap Good Years

Author:Jon Stewart

“The real focus at first is to just become a good stand-up comedian, and then when you get to a certain level, then they allow you to do other things. You feel if you're overwhelmed by something or if you're not.”

Ifs Feels Firsts Real Certain Levels Focus Comedian Overwhelmed Stand Up Comedian

Author:Jon Stewart

“Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know it when you have to take a shower afterward.”

Knows Cases Limits Jokes Hopefully Comedian Showers

Author:Jon Stewart

“My life was typical. I played a little Little League baseball. I never wanted for food. I always had shoes. I had a room. There were no great tragedies. There were the typical ups and downs but I wouldn' t say it was at all sad. We were Jewish and living in the suburbs so there was a slightly neurotic bent to it, but I can't point to anything where a boy overcame a tragedy to become a comedian. As my grandmother used to say, 'I can't complain.”

“As a comedian, as a person, as a citizen, as a mammal - in all of those areas, I am looking forward to the end of the Bush administration with every fiber of my being.”

Persons Ends Citizens Areas Administration Comedian Looking Forward Fiber Mammals

Author:Jon Stewart

“I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about, and that's really it. I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change, but I am far lazier than that.”

People Ifs Thinking Knows Writing Trying Care Wanted Social Lines Pleasure Fronts Jokes Comedian Social Change Trenches Great Respect

Author:Jon Stewart

“One of the first things you ever learn as a stand-up is don't show fear.”

Firsts Shows Comedian

Author:Bob Newhart

“One of the first things that you learn as a stand-up is, you're the boss. It's your stage, and don't screw with me because I'll make you look bad, which I had to do, because you wind up with drunks and loud people.”

People Firsts Looks Stage Wind Comedian Loud Boss Screws

Author:Bob Newhart

“Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows.”

Ifs Thinking Knows World Trying Hard Easy Stage Jokes Comedian

Author:Emo Philips

“Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.”

Ifs Firsts Used Night Laughing Growing Up Growing Stage First Time Comedian One Night

Author:Emo Philips

“When you go to standup, there seems to be a common denominator of some form of need or want for validation from the audience that maybe you were lacking as a kid.”

Want Needs Seems Kids Form Common Audience Comedian Lacking Validation Common Denominator

Author:Ray Romano

“I've got a group who can't play music, one bad comedian plus boyfriend, a nervous breakdown calling himself a magician, two coachloads of 70-year-old religious maniacs looking for a fight and a fancy-dress contest that nobody knew about.”

Years Two Play Fighting Religious Groups Calling Dresses Nervous Comedian Fancy Plus Contests Magician Breakdown Maniacs Nervous Breakdown

Author:Alan Bleasdale

“Unfortunately, the show's success comes at the expense of its biggest asset -- the comedians themselves.”

Shows Comedian Expenses Assets

Author:Richard Pryor

“This is a dream come true. HBO is the highest echelon in the world for a stand-up comedian to attain. Throughout my career I've trusted my instincts to lead me down the right path, and I am honored to work together with this network while contributing to the legacy that is HBO.”

World Dream Together Careers Path Highest Instinct Legacy Comedian Working Together Trusted Honored Dreams Come True Contributing Leading Me Right Path Hbo Stand Up Comedian

Author:Dane Cook

“I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.”

People Feelings Energy Listening Conversation Clubs Tongue Comedian Tone Cheeks Therapists Yelling

Author:Dane Cook

“I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.”

Thinking Comedy Comedian Southern Accents Southern Accent

Author:Jeff Foxworthy

“For some reason I get advertised when I travel as a political comedian, which I'm not. Sometimes I talk about it and sometimes I don't.”

Sometimes Reason Political Politics Comedian

Author:Janeane Garofalo

“I still like doing stand-up now, but it's not the same. It used to be that I was out there with five other comedians. Now I usually just do it alone.”

Stills Used Five Used To Be Comedian Just Do It

Author:Adam Sandler

“When they put me in jail, that's when they turned me into an activist. Up until the time I went to jail, I was just a comedian.”

Comedian Jail Activist

Author:Tommy Chong

“A-Rod wants to be like Babe Ruth. And people don't realize this, he's a lot like Babe Ruth. Before the playoffs a couple of years ago, A-Rod went to the hospital and promised a dying kid he'd ground out to second for him.”

People Want Years Kids Sports Realizing Dying Couple Promise Years Ago Baseball Comedian Hospitals Babe Playoffs Ruth

Author:Artie Lange

“I'm not a natural comedian, as an artist. I studied comedy growing up. I would watch Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence, all day.”

Artist Natural Watches Growing Up Comedy Growing Comedian Murphy

Author:Brandon T. Jackson

“Even though I do a more traditional type of being funny on television, I still know a lot of comedians and stand-ups and improv actors.”

Knows Stills Actors Television Type Traditional Comedian Being Funny

Author:Busy Philipps

“If you know me, I don't live in this dismal world. I mean, I like to have fun. My friends are comedians.”

Ifs Knows World Mean Fun My Friends Comedian Having Fun Know Me

Author:Linda Blair

“What I like about stand-up is, it's truthful. I'm not up there trying to get laid or look cool. I'm up there because I really love it, and it makes people happier.”

People Trying Looks Comedian Truthful Getting Laid

Author:Jay Mohr

“A weird sort of awareness set in, like, 'Wow. My stand-up isn't just separate from everything else I do anymore.' With Twitter and Face book, everything is universal that everything everybody says gets seen.”

Book Faces Awareness Universal Comedian Wow

Author:Colin Quinn

“For the most part, comedians are pretty friendly with each other. They always say they badmouth each other, but most of the time, they're friends. We're the only ones that can really stand our type of humor.”

Type Comedian Friendly

Author:Colin Quinn

“A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.”

Three Jokes Comedian

Author:Bob Saget

“Being a professional comedian is doing it right and good, when you don't feel like it.”

Feels Comedian

Book:Comic Insights: The Art of Stand-up Comedy

Source: Comic Insights: The Art of Stand-up Comedy

“I don't like the fact that most black people or black comedians have to present themselves in a flamboyant way. It's good if you can do that, but I don't like to think that's the way all black comedians are. I'm not that type.”

People Ifs Thinking Way Facts Black Can Do Type Comedian Black People All Black Flamboyant

Author:Franklyn Ajaye

“Bombing teaches you how badly you want to become a comedian. Because unless it's a burning desire, you'll quit when the consistent bombing becomes too much to take.”

Want Desire Teach Too Much Quitting Burning Comedian Consistent Bombing Burning Desire

Book:Comic Insights: The Art of Stand-up Comedy

Source: Comic Insights: The Art of Stand-up Comedy

“You must not be afraid of small bits of silence. To use it well is the height of confidence and skill for a comedian. It increases the tension in a good way and adds contrast like a curveball complements the fastball of a good pitcher.”

Way Wells Use Bits Silence Confidence Skills Increase Add Comedian Height Tension Contrast Pitcher Good Way Complement Fastballs Curveballs

Book:Comic Insights: The Art of Stand-up Comedy

Source: Comic Insights: The Art of Stand-up Comedy

“An aspiring comedian must be determined to get to his or her true feelings on a subject and convey that to the audience. Figure out what you're feeling or interested in because the goal is to get the audience interested in what you're interested in. Good stand up comedy is drawing people into your head.”

People Feelings Goal Audience Comedy Subjects Figures Determined Drawing Comedian Stand Up Comedy True Feelings

Book:Comic Insights: The Art of Stand-up Comedy

Source: Comic Insights: The Art of Stand-up Comedy

“I don't think that comedians have a tradition of trashing the next generation.”

Thinking Next Generations Tradition Comedian Next Generation

Author:Franklyn Ajaye

“I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now I just take three pills a day and I blend right into this horrible inbred corporate landscape.”

“I was scared to death because for the comics of my generation, HBO specials are like the pinnacle. I'm thinking of all these unbelievable comedians I've seen on HBO: Chris Rock, George Carlin, Damon Wayans, Richard Pryor and Billy Crystal. I started having a panic attack seeing my name in that list of people. It was pretty overwhelming.”

People Thinking Names Seeing Generations Rocks Scared Lists Comedian Overwhelming Panic Unbelievable Crystals My Generation Pinnacle Hbo Panic Attacks Damon

Author:Bill Burr

“At a time when public finances are under huge strain, we surely do not need to pay celebrities to wax lyrical to mandarins. Unless American comedians can make the Home Office fit for purpose, the taxpayer won't be laughing.”

Needs Home Purpose Pay Laughing Huge Fit Office Relation Finance Comedian Strain Taxpayers Lyrical Public Relations Home Office

Author:Chris Huhne

“I couldn't tell people what I wanted to do because I was from Atlanta. You don't tell people you're gonna be a comedian in Atlanta. That means you ain't gonna do nothing.”

People Mean Wanted Comedian Atlanta

Author:Chris Tucker

“I've been fortunate to work with good directors who understand improvisation and understand the way comedians work. Luke Basan let me do my thing like do what you feel and take the character to another level. Quentin Tarrantino was more of an acting coach. He can teach you beats and then hell say go with it but give this feeling. So I've been fortunate to work with good, seasoned directors.”

Way Giving Feels Character Feelings Levels Acting Teach Hell Directors Beats Let Me Coaches Comedian Fortunate Improvisation Luke Quentin Good Directors

Author:Chris Tucker

“So I kept it to myself. Then some of my classmates started to come down to the comedy club, taking a girl out, and they started finding out I was a stand-up comedian.”

Girl Comedy Findings Clubs Comedian Classmates Stand Up Comedian Comedy Clubs

Author:Chris Tucker

“I knew that drinking and doing stand-up was going to make me less of an effective comedian. And I just had a lot invested in wanting to be a really good comedian and so I stopped for that reason.”

Reason Drinking Comedian

Author:Greg Fitzsimmons

“I don't know what it would be like to actually play guitar. I've toured with a lot of comedians and it's never been like it is for a rock band.”

Knows Play Would Be Rocks Band Guitar Comedian Rock Bands

Author:Eugene Mirman

“The truth is, for however much my stories come out of things that have happened to me, they're not darkly or as deeply personal as someone like Marc Maron or a lot of comedians, but they are essentially my life and my interpretation of it.”

Stories Happened Truth Is Comedian Interpretation

Author:Eugene Mirman

“Yes, I'm known as America's most genuine comedian.”

America Known Genuine Comedian

Author:Eugene Mirman

“An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.”

Memories Audience Members Comedian Offended

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“You can't expect everyone to laugh or applaud you for doing edgy things. Sometimes you'll miss. But I think comedians are artists and there's a value in failure. It kind of works both ways between comedians and audiences. The audience has to understand that comedians are going to sometimes tell a joke that doesn't work out with dark subjects, and the comedian has to understand that sometimes they 'll fail and it's not the audience's fault for not getting it or loving it.”

Thinking Way Kind Sometimes Artist Values Dark Audience Laughing Failing Subjects Missing Jokes Faults Work Out Comedian Edgy

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I'd like to help other comedians and when I get a little older I'd like to open up a nice comedy club that is straight classy, with a straight restaurant and a chef. The whole thing, red carpet, and treating people nice, for people to come back and have a good time. That's the kind of comedy club I want to open up.”

People Want Kind Littles Whole Helping Comedy Nice Red Clubs Helping Others Comedian Restaurants Good Times Chef Carpet Having A Good Time Red Carpet Comedy Clubs

Author:Bruce Bruce

“Now, I want to explain something to you guys. I don't have an ending joke, because I don't tell jokes. I tell real-life stories and make them funny. So, I'm not like the average comedian. They have an ending joke; they always holler Peace! I'm out of here, and walk off stage. So, basically, when I get through performing on stage, I just walk off.”

Want Real Stories Guy Walks Stage Jokes Average Real Life Comedian Performing Life Story Performing On Stage

Author:Bruce Bruce

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