Comedian Quotes
Browse 1343 quotes about Comedian.
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Comedian Quotes
“Books are no more threatened by Kindle than stairs by elevators.”
“Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.”
“Ask any comedian, tennis player, chef. Timing is everything.”
“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.”
“I've often heard it said a preacher might learn with a comedian for a teacher.”
“My greatest hope was to get discovered as a comedian and get on a sitcom.”
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.”
“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”
“The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.”
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
“I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.”
“Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?”
“Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.”
“Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.”
“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.”
“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”
“As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.”
“The best advice I've ever received is, 'No one else knows what they're doing either.”
“Being a teenager and figuring out who you are is hard enough without someone attacking you.”
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”