Comedian Quotes
Browse 1343 quotes about Comedian.
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Comedian Quotes
“Even when I lecture per se, I am a joke comedian, I can do the voices.”
“It's a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate gratitude with moderation.”
“I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
“I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.”
“I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.”
“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”
“Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.”
“Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.”
“I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”
“A man only learns by two things; one is reading and the other is association with smarter people.”
“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
“I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.”
“Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.”
“I'm a performer, comedian, entertainer, writer and director.”
“If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.”
“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.”
“I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.”
“Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.”
“Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.”