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Mouths Quotes

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Mouths Quotes

“When the silent majority opens its mouth, it is usually to yawn.”

Inspirational Funny Mouths Majority Silent Silent Majority

Author:Gerd de Ley

“When you cut it up, put the pieces in your mouth and swallowed them, the British hamburger shaped itself to the bottom on your stomach like ballast, while interacting with your gastric juices to form an incipient belch of enormous potential, an airship which had been inflated in a garage. This belch, when silently released, would cause people standing twenty yards away to start examining the soles of their shoes. The vocalized version sounded like a bag of tools thrown into a bog.”

Source: Falling Towards England: (Unreliable Memoirs Continued)

“You know crazy straws - they go all over the place? These straws are sane. They never lost their mind. They say, "we're going straight to the mouth. That guy who takes a while to get there? He's crazy."”

Knows Mind Humor Funny Guy Lost Crazy Mouths Sane That Guy Straws

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.”

Humor Funny Hurt Mouths It Hurts Germs

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”

Source: The Good Life According to Hemingway

“Let's be honest, this is a consumer based economy in America. That's all we manufacture here is need and appetite. We are the world's mouth. They make things in other countries, and they're like, 'Send it to America; they'll eat it.'”

World Needs Country Humor Funny America Economy Honest Mouths Consumers Being Honest Appetite Other Countries

Author:Marc Maron

“As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'”

Thinking Feels Soul Humor Funny Together Past Sleep Baby Bed Mouths Died Yeah Lays Coming Out Bizarre Deprivation Past Life Sleep Deprivation

Author:Adam Ferrara

“I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.”

Humor Kids Funny Hate Mouths I Hate

Author:Jim Norton

“A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.”

Humor Funny Fighting Kissing Mouths

Author:Kristen Schaal

“I think the most horrible name for a crime has to be manslaughter. ... "I slaughtered a man! Just like a pig! Put him on a spit and put an apple in his mouth!"”

Thinking Men Funny Names Comedy Crime Mouths Horrible Apples Pigs Spit Manslaughter

Author:Brian Regan

“My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I has the chance.”

Humor Funny Life Is Chance Regret Mouths Denver Life Regret

Author:Denis Leary

“The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.”

Real Humor Funny Laughing Mouths Tests Comedian

Author:George Jean Nathan

“This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.”

“A kiss, when all is said, what is it? A rosy dot placed on the 'I' in loving; Tis a secret told to the mouth instead of to the ear.”

Source: CYRANO DE BERGERAC

“If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut”

“whenever the literary german dives into a sentence, this is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.”

Humor Funny Lasts Sides Mouths Sentences Awful Germany Verbs German Language

Author:Mark Twain

“I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff.”

Ifs Funny Stuff Mouths Come Up

Author:Karl Pilkington