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George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes

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Famous George Carlin Quotes

“Sometimes, after I'd gone at the coke like one of those snow plows moving up First Avenue, I'd think my heart was over on the dresser, pounding, and I was watching it. I asked some of the doctors who drifted through the intensive-care unit what kind of effect total cocaine abuse has on the heart and they said things like, "Well, there's not enough valid information...." That kind of answer.”

ThinkingFirstsWellsHeartKindSaidSometimesEnoughCareMovingAnswersGoneEffectsInformationMy HeartDoctorsAbuseSnowUnitsThey SaidAvenuesDoctor WhoCocaineCokeDressersMoving UpIntensive Care Unit
Author:George Carlin
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“There is a certain amount of righteous indignation I hold for the American culture, because to get back to the real root of it, to get broader about it, my opinion that is my species - and my culture in America specifically - have let me down and betrayed me. I think this species had great, great promise, with this great upper brain that we have, and I think we squandered it on God and Mammon. And I think this culture of ours has such promise, with the promise of real, true freedom, and then everyone has been shackled by ownership and possessions and acquisition and status and power.”

ThinkingRealCultureBrainOpinionPromiseLet MePossessionRighteousOwnershipBetrayedAmerican CultureTrue FreedomLet Me Down
Author:George Carlin
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“Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man ... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.”

PeopleIfsThinkingMenWantLifeNeedsEndsHumorMotivationalFunnyReligionSufferingMoneyWatchesForeverFireSkyAtheismMinutesSpecialLove YouTenAtheistConvincedListsInvisibleBurningSmokeTortureScreamAgnosticEnd TimesAnguishLive ForeverSpecial PlacesNeed MoneyFunny Bumper StickerFunny ReligiousFunny AtheistGreatest Atheist
Author:George Carlin
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“To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for the existence of UFOs as there is for the existence of God. Probably far more. At least in the case of UFOs there have been countless taped and filmed and, by the way, unexplained sightings from all over the world, along with documented radar evidence seen by experienced military and civilian radar operators.>>.”

ThinkingWorldWayHas BeensBitsExistenceCasesMilitaryEvidenceMy WayCiviliansWay Of ThinkingUfoRadarExistence Of GodOperatorsUnexplained
Book:When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
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“It's not in the mainstream media yet, but the biggest jump in skin cancer has occurred since the advent of sunscreens. That kind of thing makes me happy. The fact that people, in pursuit of a superficial look of health, give themselves a fatal disease. I love it when 'reasoning' human beings think they have figured out how to beat something and it comes right back and kicks them in the nuts. God bless the law of unintended consequences. And the irony is impressive: Healthy people, trying to look healthier, make themselves sick. Good!”

PeopleThinkingGivingTryingHumansLooksKindFactsLawHuman BeingsMediaHealthyDiseaseBeatsConsequenceSkinsSickCancerPursuitIronyKicksReasoningBlessNutsMainstreamSuperficialImpressiveMake Me HappyGod BlessAdventMainstream MediaSunscreenUnintended ConsequencesSkin Cancer
Book:Brain Droppings
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“I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.”

PeopleThinkingKnowsWayWantFeelingsStuffSixLet MeYeahComedianI Want YouGreat FeelingsJust Sayin
Book:3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
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“It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Religion class was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes.”

ThinkingScienceOrderEasyClassTaughtTheoryProveLogicExperimentsBudgetsReasoningScience Class
Book:Brain Droppings
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“I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.”

ThinkingShouldHumorFunnyTurnsFatherAlcoholLabelsWarningVividAlcoholicsLiquorDrinking AlcoholBlandFunny AlcoholAlcohol DrinkingDrinking FunnyBeveragesAlcohol And LifePork ChopsDrinks And LoveAlcoholic DrinksWarning Labels
Book:When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
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“They'll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this f**kin' place. It's a big club and you ain't in it. You and I are not in the big club. By the way, it's the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. The table is tilted, folks. The game is rigged and nobody seems to notice. Nobody seems to care. Good, honest, hard-working people: white collar, blue collar, it doesn't matter what color shirt you have on.”

PeopleThinkingWayBelieveLongMatterHardUseBigsSeemsCareGamesCausesWhiteHonestMediaColorHard WorkBeatsBlueTablesFolksClubsShirtsSooner Or LaterCollarsBeliveBlue CollarRiggedWhite Collar
Author:George Carlin
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