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Famous Jay Leno Quotes
“Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!”
“The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.”
“Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.”
“Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?”
“If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.”
“Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.”
“If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.”
“I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.”
“I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC stood for "Running off to Canada."”
“If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.”
“In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously.”
“My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?”