“Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?”
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Famous Steven Wright Quotes
“Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?”
“Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?”
“Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?”
“Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?”
“If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?”
“If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?”
“If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?”
“For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.”
“I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.”
“My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.”
“I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.”
“How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?”
“Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "What for?"”
“I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.”
“I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.”