“If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?”
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Famous Steven Wright Quotes
“Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
“I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.”
“Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.”
“Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.”
“I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
“If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.”
“I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.”
“How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?”
“If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?”
“The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.”
“What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?”
“Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?”
“I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.”
“If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?”
“I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.”
“I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.”
“I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.”
“If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?”
“Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?”
“I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.”