“I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."” ShouldSaidHumorAbleFunnyToo MuchSwimmingSoupWaitress Author:Frank Carson
“Apparently they're going to bring in 'Super Asbos'. But 'Asbos' already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour. They should call them 'Gaybos' or 'Bender Badges'.” ShouldHumorFunnySoundTeenagerHonourBadgesToo Cool Author:Frankie Boyle
“That should be the anti-speeding advert. It should be footage of Richard Hammond trying to remember his own wedding day.” ThinkingShouldTryingHumorFunnyRememberSpeedingWedding DayAdverts Author:Frankie Boyle
“Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.” IfsShouldLittlesFactsHumorFunnyGirlRolesModelsRole Models Author:Sarah Silverman
“It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it - The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo.” ShouldHelpingHumorFunnySweetShould HaveTrunksLimos Author:Steve Martin
“I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant. I said to this Chinese waiter, 'Look, this chicken I got here is cold.' He said, 'It should be, it's been dead two weeks.'” ShouldLooksSaidTwoHumorFunnyLastsNightWeekColdChineseMealsRestaurantsChickensLast NightTwo WeeksWaiter Author:Tommy Cooper
“Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.” GivingShouldHumorFunnyBirthSugarPillsBirth Control Author:Adam Carolla
“Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'” MenShouldHumorFunnyLyingEgoMy FriendsDrivenSwearConquestSwear To God Author:Adam Ferrara