Best funny & hard Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.”

Book Ideas Hard Funny Reading Originals Library Witty Thought Provoking Originality Librarian Original Ideas Libraries And Librarians Original Thought School Library

Book:The Liar

Source: The Liar

“There's no such thing as 'hard sell' and 'soft sell.' There's only 'smart sell' and 'stupid sell.'”

Hard Funny Stupid Smart Sells Educational Customers Squash

Author:Leo Burnett

“They better not put me in the All -Star Game. I won't shoot, but I'll dominate that easy game. I'll be playing hard defense. I'll be foulin'. I'll be flagrant fouling. Everyone will be like, 'What are you doing?'”

Hard Funny Games Stars Easy Defense Nba All Stars

Author:Metta World Peace

“You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.”

People Thinking Hard Humor Funny Faces Can Do Powerful Imagine Having Fun Imagine That Funny Face

Author:Ellen DeGeneres

“An Australian swimmer who failed to win a gold medal is blaming her loss on social media. In her defense, it is really hard to tweet when you're swimming.”

Hard Funny Winning Social Loss Media Gold Blame Social Media Defense Swimming Olympics Medal Australian Tweet Gold Medals Swimmer London Olympics

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Workin' so hard every night and day and now we get to lay back.”

Hard Funny Night Lays Every Night

Author:Gwen Stefani

“If law school is so hard to get through... how come there are so many lawyers?”

Ifs Hard Humor School Funny Law Lawyer Law School

Author:Calvin Trillin

“... still his philanthropy was of that gunpowderous sort that the difference between it and animosity was hard to determine.”

Stills Hard Funny Differences Humorous Determine Philanthropy Animosity

Book:THE MYSTERY OF EDWIN DROOD, MASTER HUMPHREY'S CLOCK, AND SKETCHES BY

Source: THE MYSTERY OF EDWIN DROOD, MASTER HUMPHREY'S CLOCK, AND SKETCHES BY

“He was by no means opposed to hard labour on principle, for he would work away at a cricket-match by the day together, - running, and catching, and batting, and bowling, and revelling in toil which would exhaust a galley-slave.”

Mean Hard Running Funny Together Principles Humorous Slave Labour Toil Cricket Catching Bowling Batting Cricket Match

Book:Bentley's Miscellany

Source: Bentley's Miscellany

“I'm just going to be honest with you. It's hard to go out there and fight for 60 minutes when you're fighting throughout the week to make it through one practice. I'm not the only one. I'm just the only one that's man enough to stand up here and talk to y'all. It's obviously, in my opinion, an issue in our starts.”

Men Hard Enough Funny Fighting Opinion Practice Issues Week Minutes Honest Being Honest Nfl

Author:Cary Williams

“People here are funny. They work so hard at living, they forget how to live.”

People Hard Funny Forget

Book:Six Screenplays

Source: Six Screenplays

“When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard,' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'”

Source: Strictly personal

“It's hard to fight when you're in a gazebo.”

Hard Humor Funny Fighting

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me.”

Hard Done Humor Funny Microphones

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“When you're in Hollywood and you're a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things. All right, you're a stand-up comedian, can you write us a script? That's not fair. That's like if I worked hard to become a cook, and I'm a really good cook, they'd say, "OK, you're a cook. Can you farm?"”

Ifs Want Writing Hard Humor Funny Fairs Hollywood Scripts Cooks Comedian Farms Not Fair Stand Up Comedian Good Cook

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I like it when you reach into a vending machine to grab your candy bar, and that flap goes up to block you from reaching up? That's a good invention. Before that, it was hard times for the vending machine owners. "Yeah, what candy bar are you getting?" "That one, and every one on the bottom row!"”

Hard Humor Funny Machines Yeah Bottom Bars Invention Block Hard Times Reaching Owners Candy Candy Bar Vending Machines Reaching Up

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard. The mailman will get shot, the envelope will not seal, the stamp will be in the wrong denomination. The final payment must be made in wampum.”

Made Hard Humor Funny Three Easy Four Tvs Products Shots Finals Available Complicated Stamps Payment Seals Envelopes Denominations Mailman

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I would not want to be a mobile home repo man. Those would be hard to sneak away - "Knock knock - Hi, would you go cut your grass and look that way for a half an hour?"”

Men Way Want Looks Hard Home Humor Would Be Funny Hours Half Cutting Grass Mobile Sneak Repo Man

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this." Who would make their plants hard to reach? That seems so very mean. I know you need water, but I'm going to make you hard to reach. "Think like a cactus!"”

Thinking Knows Needs Mean Hard Humor Seems Funny Night Water Tvs Products Late Garden Plant Late Night Very Mean Cactus

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“There's a hard shot to LeMaster, he throws Madlock into the dugout.”

Hard Humor Funny Shots Baseball

Author:Jerry Coleman

“Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitchhiking."”

Hard Humor Funny Fun Pay New York Destination Drivers Tourists Hitchhiking

Book:Late night with David Letterman: the book

Source: Late night with David Letterman: the book

“It's hard for a man to turn down sex... if they chase us, we can't run that fast.”

Ifs Men Hard Humor Running Funny Turns Sex

Author:Chris Rock

“All my friends are always telling me how hard it is to have kids. 'Oh, David, it's so hard.' That's not hard. I'll tell you what hard is. Try talking your girlfriend into her third consecutive abortion. Yeah, that's hard, that takes finesse. You're just inconvenienced.”

Trying Hard Humor Kids Funny Talking My Friends Thirds Yeah Girlfriend Abortion Your Girlfriend Finesse Consecutive

Author:David Cross

“RyanAir have been getting a hard time because they've launched a £7 flight to New York. Although as always with RyanAir it does land slightly outside of New York. In Dublin.”

Doe Has Beens Hard Humor Funny Land New York Flight Hard Times Dublin

Author:Frankie Boyle

“I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll have a glass of water, you want a shot of Jäger? You want eight of 'em?"”

Want Kind Hard Humor Funny Water Drink Shots Yeah Glasses Eight Ems I Am Single

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.”

Looks Hard Humor Funny Tables Cheese

Author:Zach Galifianakis

“I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say "I didn't like 9/11."”

Kind Hard Humor Funny Conversation

Author:Zach Galifianakis

“My mom's been having a hard time lately. She just found out that she has to have both of her breasts removed - if she's ever going to be good at golf.”

Ifs Hard Humor Funny Found Mom Golf My Mom Be Good Hard Times Breasts Having A Hard Time

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

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