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Famous George Carlin Quotes
“If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?”
“If God created everything, he's got a serious quality control problem.”
“If you want to get rid of counterfeit money, put it in the collection plate at church.”
“If you're reading it in a book, folks, it ain't self-help. It's help.”
“Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.”
“If you you think there is a solution, you're part of the problem.”
“If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?”
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.”
“If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?”
“If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?”
“Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?”
“Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.”
“If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.”
“If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.”