Best humorous & hours Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”

“Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of dollars: For several days before you put it in the mail, carry your tax return around under your armpit. No IRS agent is going to want to spend hours poring over a sweat-stained document. So even if you owe money, you can put in for an enormous refund and the agent will probably give it to you, just to avoid an audit. What does he care? It's not his money.”

Ifs Want Giving Doe Care Hours Return Taxes Humorous Dollars Technique Enormous Agents Sweat Mail Documents Accounting Overlooked Irs Tax Returns Armpits Refunds Does He Care

Author:Dave Barry

“Saturday night in Toledo Ohio, Is like being nowhere at all, All through the day how the hours rush by, You sit in the park and you watch the grass die.”

Night Dies Hours Watches Humorous Grass Parks Saturday Ohio Saturday Night Toledo

Author:John Denver

“Humorists are not humorous twenty-four hours a day. In fact, when you get to know them well, they are often not humorous at all. They tend to be hypersensitive, taut, neurotic creatures driven by God know what obscure compulsion to earn their living the hard way.”

Knows Way Wells Hard Facts Humor Hours Four Creatures Humorous Twenties Driven Obscure God Knows Compulsion Neurotic Humorists Hard Way

Book:Color blind: a white woman looks at the Negro

Source: Color blind: a white woman looks at the Negro

“I don't quite recollect how many tumblers of whiskey toddy each man drank after supper; but this I know, that about one o'clock in the morning, the baillie's grown-up son became insensible while attempting the first verse of 'Willie brewed a peck o' maut'; and he having been, for half an hour before, the only other man visible above the mahogany, it occurred to my uncle that it was almost time to think about going.”

Source: The Pickwick Papers: The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club

“... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.”

Eye Funny Hours Half Streets Cold Humorous Standing Very Good Posts Odd Gentleman Lamps Beef Steak Inconvenient Bruises Waiter

Book:The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club, Volume 1 (of 2) (Illustrations)

Source: The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club, Volume 1 (of 2) (Illustrations)

“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”

“A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.”

Inspirational Funny Time Hours Loses Groups Minutes Laughter Humorous Meetings Witty Committees

Author:Milton Berle

“Why do they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?”

Funny Moving Hours Humorous Witty Funny Life Rush Hour

Author:Robin Williams

“I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.”

Ifs Should Three Hours Humorous Witty Paris Towers Eiffel Tower Eiffel Concorde

Author:Woody Allen

“A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour.”

Men Life Self Hours Dark Greater Humorous Ideals Increase Misery Miserable Companion Subconscious Dens Taunting

Book:Uneasy Money

Source: Uneasy Money

“I’m going to kill myself. I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. I’ll be dead. you know, in fact, if I get the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier, which would be perfect. Or wait a minute. It -- with the time change, I could be alive for six hours in New York but dead three hours in Paris. I could get things done, and I could also be dead.”

Ifs Knows Should Done Facts Would Be Three Waiting Hours Perfect Alive Minutes New York Six Humorous Witty Paris Towers Things Done Eiffel Tower Eiffel Concorde

Book:Woody Allen: Interviews

Source: Woody Allen: Interviews

“You've reached Fantasia, where the undead live again every night," "For bar hours, press one. To make a party reservation, press two. To talk to alive person or a dead vampire, press three. Or, if you were intending to leave a humorous prank message on our answering machine, know this: we will find you.”

Ifs Knows Persons Two Night Three Hours Party Alive Messages Humorous Machines Presses Bars Vampire Every Night Reservations Pranks Undead Fantasia Answering Machines

Book:Dead in Dixie

Source: Dead in Dixie

“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”

Humor Funny Hours Humorous Terror Terrorism Flying Boredom Seconds Pilots Airplane Sheer Airline Great Aviation Air Travel Pilots And Flying Airplanes And Flying

Author:Pappy Boyington

“One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.”

Giving Mind Firsts Two Hands Hours Half Teach Mines Ten Humorous Give Me Clock Extras Wheels Ems Drivers Half Hours Steering

Book:Napalm & Silly Putty

Source: Napalm & Silly Putty

“Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not going to divorce you for refusing to spend forty hours a week making up lies about toilet paper.”

Source: The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig

“For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how we can reverse the process.”

Trying Years Firsts Children Two Humor Kids Funny Process Hours Our Lives Figures Baby Humorous Communicate Two Years Waking Reverse

Author:Erma Bombeck

“I wanted to do an hour-long show, and I wanted to something that was dramatic and sometimes funny and humorous, as well. I'm just delighted to have this opportunity to be a part of this project.”

Wells Long Sometimes Shows Wanted Opportunity Hours Projects Humorous Dramatic Delighted

Author:Ron Glass

“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.”

Source: Bite-Size Einstein: Quotations on Just About Everything from the Greatest Mind of the Twentieth Century

“I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.”

Humor Funny Hours Food Humorous Airports Procedures Airline One Hour Air Travel

Book:Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down

Source: Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down

“Motto of the U.S. airline industry - "We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour."”

Humor Funny Hours Food Industry Humorous Motto Airline Announcements Air Travel Airline Industry

Author:Dave Barry

“This year, U.S. airlineswill carry a record 143 million passengers, who will be in the air for 382 million hours, during which they will be fed an estimated total of four peanuts.”

Years Humor Funny Hours Millions Records Four Air Food Humorous Feds Airline Passengers Peanuts Air Travel

Book:Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down

Source: Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down

“Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.”

Should Children Humor Light Kids Funny Lasts Joy Enjoy Hours Church Baby Laughter Humorous Meetings Lifetime After Hours

Book:Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist

Source: Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist

Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes