“Cancer research is a growth industry.”
Source: 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
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Famous George Carlin Quotes
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
Source: The Best of Brain Droppings
“Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror.”
Source: Brain Droppings
“Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!”
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
“I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.”
Source: Last Words
“You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.”
Source: 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
“If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?”
Source: Brain Droppings
“No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.”
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
“If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.”
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
“As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.”
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
“If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.”
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
“I don't like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.”
“Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.”
Source: 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
“I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.”
“Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.”
Source: Brain Droppings
“Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.”
“God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.”
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
“Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.”
Source: Brain Droppings
“In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.”
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
Source: Brain Droppings
“No one who has had "Taps" played for them has ever been able to hear it.”
“Property is theft. Nobody "owns" anything. When you die, it all stays here.”
“The future will soon be a thing of the past.”
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
“And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National”
“Whoever coined the term "Buyer Beware" was probably bleeding from the asshole.”
“Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?”
“Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.”
Source: Brain Droppings
“If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.”
Source: 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
“Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.”
Source: 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
“So far, this is the oldest I've been.”
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
“Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?”
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
Source: Napalm & Silly Putty
“I don't have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.”