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Famous George Carlin Quotes
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
“There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.”
“As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.”
“There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.”
“George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.”
“What do dogs do on their day off?; Can't lie around – that's their job!”
“I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.”
“If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?”
“Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.”
“All music is the blues. All of it.”
“I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.”
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.”
“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.”
“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.”
“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”
“The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.”
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
“Electricity is really just organized lightning.”
“I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.”
“You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.”
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”
“Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?”