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Famous George Carlin Quotes
“Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.”
“All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.”
“Heart disease has changed my eating habits, but I still cook bacon for the smell.”
“I have a lot of things [in me] that are childlike and innocent and sweet.”
“Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.”
“I do something about the weather. I stay home.”
“I don't think we really gave barbarism a fair try.”
“I grew up in New York wanting to be like those funny men in the movies and on the radio.”
“I'm offering a special prize for the first Buick on the moon.”
“It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.”
“Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.”
“Never give up on an idea simply because it is bad and doesn't work.”
“Never underestimate the role pretension plays when it comes to creating euphemistic language.”
“People tell you to have a safe trip, as if you have some control over it.”
“Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.”
“The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.”
“There are only two places in the world: over here and over there.”
“To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.”
“What exactly is "midair"? Is there some other part of air besides the "mid" part?”
“When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?”
“Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?”