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Famous Groucho Marx Quotes
“My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.”
“I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.”
“I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.”
“I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.”
“I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.”
“No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.”
“She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.”
“Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!”
“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.”
“You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.”
“Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)”
“My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.”
“Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.”
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.”
“I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.”
“If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”
“No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.”
“How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.”
“Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?”
“Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put "Emily, I love you" on the back of the bill.”
“As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.”