“The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.”
Funny Money Quotes
Browse 156 quotes about Funny Money.
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Funny Money Quotes
“A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that's subtraction.”
“Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.”
“You can be young without money but you can't be old without it.”
Source: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
“If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.”
“I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.”
“Money won't make you happy... but everybody wants to find out for themselves.”
“Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.”
Source: The Happy Prince
“What is the robbing of a bank compared to the founding of a bank?”
“It isn't necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It's only necessary to be rich.”
“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.”
Source: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“Cocaine is God's way of telling you you are making too much money.”
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
Source: 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
“Money talks, bullshit walks.”
Source: Duma Key: A Novel
“I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.”
Source: Brain Droppings
Source: Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People
“Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.”
“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.”
“What difference does it make how much you have? What you do not have amounts to much more.”
“If you would be wealthy, think of saving as well as getting.”
Source: The Way to Wealth
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.”
“The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.”
“I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.”
“We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules.”
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.”
Source: Jackie Mason's America
Source: Old Gorgon Graham: More Letters from a Self-made Merchant to His Son
“All heiresses are beautiful.”
Source: The Dramatick Works of John Dryden, Esq: Don Sebastian, king of Portugal. Amphitryon: or, The two Sosia's. Cleomenes, the Spartan heroe. King Arthur. Love triumphant
“Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop”