“I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'”
Humor Quotes
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Humor Quotes
“The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.”
“I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.”
“Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.”
“I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.”
“Welcome to my garage. This is where I go to get away from the Honey-Do list.”
“Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't want to be jackass. You just pushed my jackass button.”
“I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."”
“Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?”
Source: Crying With Laughter: My Life Story
“My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.”
“We were so poor; the ultimate luxury in our house at the time was ashtrays without advertisements.”
“I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.”
“A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on.”
“I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section.”
“A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches - two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them.”